[He smiles a little at that first part because it's such a four thing to say, he's so fond and then he sighs, reaching up to rub at his face. exhausted, tired in a way he hasn't let anyone else see.]
...I'm thinking about how much I don't want to go back. I'm glad for the others, but...
...I was thinking of staying here. [he pauses, like he's imagining all the cuffs to the head and punches to the arm and other soft, affectionate things that so many people here who've come to care for him would do,
then he goes on.]
But I'm still thinking of whether or not I'll go back to my world. [he sounds determined, if also very tired.
more importantly, he stops walking so he can face Four properly,]
Your turn, Four. [...] You're not going back to your world, are you?
[ four doesn't think it's stupid of him to want to stay here. if he wants to stay because his world sucks, it's valid. if he wants to return to for whatever reason, well, that's a more normal thing to do. to avoid death and find a better way of living or for his duty or whatever.
it's what she expects of most people. in a way, she doesn't expect him to stay, so it doesn't surprise her to hear that. in fact, she also wouldn't be surprised to hear him say he'd go somewhere else with others.
when he turns to her, her expression goes blank, not because she isn't feeling anything but because she's feeling too much. ]
No. [ she's abandoning her sisters by saying that, the sisters she said she loved more than anything. ] If I were able to choose, I wouldn't. There's little hope no matter how far back I go.
[ her death is a requirement, even though she doesn't know just how true that is. ]
[quiet, and though Lavi's good at maintaining his poker face, he lets it fall. He looks both fond and also deeply sad, though his voice is light.
'that must make me the idiot then, since I'm still considering it.'
if only he could break free from his old life. how ironic would it be if that came true, then he'd finally be the Bookman he was trained his whole life to be.]
[ that makes her smile a little, but there isn't much warmth or cheer to it. he says it's another similarity, but she thinks there are differences enough, in how much he's fond and in how much he's saddened. ]
You care a little too much.
[ isn't that one of his biggest problems in the first place? four care a little much about the worst things. ]
... I don't know. [ her voice is as quiet as it is uncertain. ] He offered, and I'm tempted.
[ ... ]
It doesn't seem real.
[ doubt so easily creeps into her cracked heart, in the lines where faith should have strengthened it. ]
[he will gently take Four's hand in his, standing in the middle of this probably busy street with her. 'You care a little too much', and isn't that true? Well, he's long since past the 'him' who'd deny it. At least, in front of Four he won't,
he thinks of the brief snatches he got to see of Four from Irminsul. So much taken out of context, and yet so much of it making sense.]
You can have more than what you think you deserve, Clover. I think you deserve so much more.
[Even if he's never learned of her crimes against humanity, not that he'd judge her for them either. sorry, but he is more attached to four than he is of the people in her world, people he privately thinks doesn't deserve her anyway,]
Keep thinking about it, okay? Who knows how things will shake out tomorrow, but... I hope they all work out.
[he'll hold hope in his heart for Four, if she can't.]
[ the people of her world don't deserve her; they deserve much better than her.
she curls her fingers around his, as if that would let her hold onto him for a little while longer. his words are so sweet to her and her brittle emotions. she wants them to be true. she doesn't want to think how much of it could be the front he's too used to having.
she'd like him to be true, whatever that means. (she doesn't know how long she'd like him to be true.)
the words, I don't want to miss you, Lavi die on her lips, a wish she doesn't have the courage to utter.
instead of saying anything, she slips her free hand out of its glove, placing the coolness of her hand against the warmth of his. ]
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no subject
I feel bad for leaving... But Zel's still there, so it should be fine.
[thanks lavi]
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she glances up at him. ]
You shouldn't feel bad. Will you tell me what you're thinking?
[ she noticed the shift in him when the results were announced. ]
no subject
...I'm thinking about how much I don't want to go back. I'm glad for the others, but...
[he makes a motion with his hand]
Just tired of putting up a front.
no subject
she doesn't care if he lets his smiling front go. ]
You can send the others away to where they want to be, and you don't need to go back to where you came from.
If they won't react to you normally without your front, they'll be gone soon, if the prize is honored.
no subject
That's true. Kinda worried they'll end up shaking the truth out of me though.
[though even if they do...
...]
What about you? I want to know what you're thinking too.
no subject
[ it's not a bad thing to do? half of the assholes in the graveyard are the walk away type. ]
Hm? Oh, I didn't care too much about the discussion, but I did want to hear what they decide on. It doesn't matter to me where most of them go.
[ ...
a bit more quietly: ]
I do care about where you decide to go.
no subject
...I was thinking of staying here. [he pauses, like he's imagining all the cuffs to the head and punches to the arm and other soft, affectionate things that so many people here who've come to care for him would do,
then he goes on.]
But I'm still thinking of whether or not I'll go back to my world. [he sounds determined, if also very tired.
more importantly, he stops walking so he can face Four properly,]
Your turn, Four. [...] You're not going back to your world, are you?
no subject
it's what she expects of most people. in a way, she doesn't expect him to stay, so it doesn't surprise her to hear that. in fact, she also wouldn't be surprised to hear him say he'd go somewhere else with others.
when he turns to her, her expression goes blank, not because she isn't feeling anything but because she's feeling too much. ]
No. [ she's abandoning her sisters by saying that, the sisters she said she loved more than anything. ] If I were able to choose, I wouldn't. There's little hope no matter how far back I go.
[ her death is a requirement, even though she doesn't know just how true that is. ]
no subject
[quiet, and though Lavi's good at maintaining his poker face, he lets it fall. He looks both fond and also deeply sad, though his voice is light.
'that must make me the idiot then, since I'm still considering it.'
if only he could break free from his old life. how ironic would it be if that came true, then he'd finally be the Bookman he was trained his whole life to be.]
...Will you go with Bixing to his world?
no subject
You care a little too much.
[ isn't that one of his biggest problems in the first place? four care a little much about the worst things. ]
... I don't know. [ her voice is as quiet as it is uncertain. ] He offered, and I'm tempted.
[ ... ]
It doesn't seem real.
[ doubt so easily creeps into her cracked heart, in the lines where faith should have strengthened it. ]
no subject
he thinks of the brief snatches he got to see of Four from Irminsul. So much taken out of context, and yet so much of it making sense.]
You can have more than what you think you deserve, Clover. I think you deserve so much more.
[Even if he's never learned of her crimes against humanity, not that he'd judge her for them either. sorry, but he is more attached to four than he is of the people in her world, people he privately thinks doesn't deserve her anyway,]
Keep thinking about it, okay? Who knows how things will shake out tomorrow, but... I hope they all work out.
[he'll hold hope in his heart for Four, if she can't.]
no subject
she curls her fingers around his, as if that would let her hold onto him for a little while longer. his words are so sweet to her and her brittle emotions. she wants them to be true. she doesn't want to think how much of it could be the front he's too used to having.
she'd like him to be true, whatever that means. (she doesn't know how long she'd like him to be true.)
the words, I don't want to miss you, Lavi die on her lips, a wish she doesn't have the courage to utter.
instead of saying anything, she slips her free hand out of its glove, placing the coolness of her hand against the warmth of his. ]