[It can't even really be called hurt, or sadness, not when Kanda works so hard to keep his heart closed off--in part because of situations exactly like this one.
The world is dark and cold and lonely. That's the first lesson Kanda truly learned upon his rebirth, and it's one they're taught over, and over, and over again. Alma, Doug, Daisya, even Suman, and the countless others who barely made it long enough to even get rooms of their own at the Order--losing people is inevitable, and it's always just a matter of time.
This place may not have their monsters, but it certainly has their same rules. This weekend was a good reminder of that.]
It's the same as always.
[All they did was share a few silences together. He doesn't need sympathy for that.]
[It'd be a cold answer if it was anyone else hearing it. but it's Lavi who does, who understands -- even if he can't like it.
but years and years of holding grief into a tight fist-sized ball in your chest can't all unravel in a day, or even three weeks. and maybe it's better that it never does. because they'll go home at the end of this, to the very real dangers grief will bring them.]
I know.
[i understand that and i understand this and i understand you]
[There's no guarantee of that, Kanda thinks, always prepared to confront reality--but for once, he doesn't say it out loud. Lavi knows. And he's not stubbornly optimistic like Lenalee or Allen; he doesn't need to be dragged back to earth like they do.]
...You take first watch.
[It's the closest he'll get to admitting he's tired and in pain, and not necessarily just physically.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
The world is dark and cold and lonely. That's the first lesson Kanda truly learned upon his rebirth, and it's one they're taught over, and over, and over again. Alma, Doug, Daisya, even Suman, and the countless others who barely made it long enough to even get rooms of their own at the Order--losing people is inevitable, and it's always just a matter of time.
This place may not have their monsters, but it certainly has their same rules. This weekend was a good reminder of that.]
It's the same as always.
[All they did was share a few silences together. He doesn't need sympathy for that.]
no subject
but years and years of holding grief into a tight fist-sized ball in your chest can't all unravel in a day, or even three weeks. and maybe it's better that it never does. because they'll go home at the end of this, to the very real dangers grief will bring them.]
I know.
[i understand that and i understand this and i understand you]
We'll make it through, same as always.
no subject
...You take first watch.
[It's the closest he'll get to admitting he's tired and in pain, and not necessarily just physically.]
no subject
I'll wake ya when it's your turn.
[he will take the first two watches actually but kanda doesn't know that right now]