[...He didn't think Kanda would say yes, or even respond at all -- maybe kick him one more time and roll over to go to sleep, so he's not prepared when Kanda turns and looks directly at him instead, even though he should be -- for bringing that subject up now after their ridiculous night. Lavi looks back and wonders what Kanda's thinking, for as easy as it is to read him at times, there are still moments where he has to guess.
Was it too much to ask for? He thinks of Lucas in the church, asking if he'd really be fine with putting his life in Kanda's hands. Of forcing him to hold that burden. And his answer -- that he wouldn't be fine at all, but at the end of the day -- if it has to happen...
He keeps watching even as Kanda looks away again and gives him his answer. And this one -- Lavi can understand, all too well.]
...
[too many people like him. he trusts that they'd all get the job done if they have to, but... he thinks of Robin trying to reach for Aqua, and Aqua pushing her head underwater. ...He has no delusions about what he's capable of -- and the monster inside of him, the succubus or whatever -- it won't be kind. He won't be kind. Maybe the others will kill him, but they'll hesitate. They'll think he's trying to reach out to them. They'll cry and mourn for someone who they don't really know, and he hates that as much as he hates imagining Kanda having to watch it all on the sidelines.
If it's not you, then I don't want anyone else.]
Then I better be the first person you find.
[lightly, his expression forcing itself into a smile even though Kanda's not even looking at him, and maybe it's better that he's not -- so he won't get irritated by Lavi's smile,]
[He's not looking, but he can hear that smile anyway, in the lightness of his tone--and that prompts him to scowl and kick Lavi's leg again, as Lavi initially expected. This is exactly why Lavi drives him crazy--every time they slip into sincerity, he backpedals right into "frivolous and friendly."
Several different retorts pile up on his tongue all at once--but he's afraid of what they'd be twisted into if he gave voice to them now, so he stays silent until the urge has passed.
He can't say "shut up and go to sleep" normally either, but he can try and get close enough--]
Lavi turns on his side, trying to free up a little more space for the both of them, but not minding the cramped quarters either way. Kanda's presence is solid and warm, and comforting in this town where people disappear the moment you open your eyes.]
M'glad you're here.
[he can be alone if he has to, but that doesn't mean he wants to be. as hateful as their circumstances are right now, he wants to see them through with Kanda -- straight to the end. he doesn't want the scenarios they both discussed to ever come to pass, he just wants to stay suspended in this moment where they're both alive and themselves.
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Was it too much to ask for? He thinks of Lucas in the church, asking if he'd really be fine with putting his life in Kanda's hands. Of forcing him to hold that burden. And his answer -- that he wouldn't be fine at all, but at the end of the day -- if it has to happen...
He keeps watching even as Kanda looks away again and gives him his answer. And this one -- Lavi can understand, all too well.]
...
[too many people like him. he trusts that they'd all get the job done if they have to, but... he thinks of Robin trying to reach for Aqua, and Aqua pushing her head underwater. ...He has no delusions about what he's capable of -- and the monster inside of him, the succubus or whatever -- it won't be kind. He won't be kind. Maybe the others will kill him, but they'll hesitate. They'll think he's trying to reach out to them. They'll cry and mourn for someone who they don't really know, and he hates that as much as he hates imagining Kanda having to watch it all on the sidelines.
If it's not you, then I don't want anyone else.]
Then I better be the first person you find.
[lightly, his expression forcing itself into a smile even though Kanda's not even looking at him, and maybe it's better that he's not -- so he won't get irritated by Lavi's smile,]
no subject
Several different retorts pile up on his tongue all at once--but he's afraid of what they'd be twisted into if he gave voice to them now, so he stays silent until the urge has passed.
He can't say "shut up and go to sleep" normally either, but he can try and get close enough--]
Close your eyes.
no subject
Lavi turns on his side, trying to free up a little more space for the both of them, but not minding the cramped quarters either way. Kanda's presence is solid and warm, and comforting in this town where people disappear the moment you open your eyes.]
M'glad you're here.
[he can be alone if he has to, but that doesn't mean he wants to be. as hateful as their circumstances are right now, he wants to see them through with Kanda -- straight to the end. he doesn't want the scenarios they both discussed to ever come to pass, he just wants to stay suspended in this moment where they're both alive and themselves.
he obediently closes his eye.]
...Night, Yuu.