No, he was -- incredibly angry, but he had pulled it in, used every ounce of his Bookman training -- and his own genuine sympathy for the other boy too, for being possessed, for having to kill Marina.
But if things had played out even a little bit differently during the trial, if Mathis hadn't told Lavi first about it -- if people had enough time to wonder if Kanda was responsible for Tomi then -- well. He knows how he would feel about it all then. And he wouldn't have forgiven Caelus. He still hasn't forgiven him now.]
No. I only mentioned that to Mathis, but I also told him I needed more time to figure it out. [which he did need more time to do,] I'm going to talk to him later.
[Because no matter what Kanda says about attachments, about caution, about Lavi's resilience--he isn't immune to bias either. If Caelus's actions only hurt and endangered him, then that's fine; Kanda can deal with that, and he won't hold it against him in any way that matters. But if he'd truly caused them to spiral, if he'd started Lavi on some convoluted path of damage control that would only come back to bite them--then he'd be pissed at the both of them.
He doesn't mind if Mathis knows; Kanda himself probably won't say anything either way, because as far as he's concerned, it's no longer relevant to anyone. But if Lavi's confident enough in this theory, then he won't stop him from sharing it where he must.]
Yuffie helped too. She knows what Caelus's monster was and his power too -- even though she couldn't say last night. And Mathis was willing to wait to hear me out, cause he was worried about you.
[He says it out loud not only for Kanda to know, but for his own benefit too. That in the throes of his rage and terror and distrust in how everyone would react if they found out -- that he had been proven wrong. That people had reached out because they cared about Kanda.]
[Any other time, and he'd snap some kind of remark, something to remind Lavi of his barriers even though Lavi knows better than anyone what he's like. It's so ingrained in him to do it that his expression turns slightly annoyed by default; it's the same as when he'd sighed irritably before his fight with Skinn, as if the others had been the ones causing problems for him by staunchly refusing to stop caring about his safety.
But Lavi's breakdown is fresh in his mind, and--more than that, he knows Lavi well enough to understand what he's doing. He likely would've understood it before too, but now, with far more insight into Lavi's head and heart, he understands why Lavi's talking himself down like this. He can dredge up the patience for that, even when he feels shitty physically.]
...She talks a lot.
[Just an observation; he doesn't understand why Yuffie latched onto them like this, though he doesn't hate it like he'd say he does.]
I told Aerith I'd look after her, but I think she's the one doing the looking after.
[now if their positions were reversed, if Lavi had been the one to die instead... he doesn't doubt that aerith and her friends would have looked after Kanda too, if he had asked.]
[YOU REALLY SAID WE ARE MAKING THE CHIBI ART HAPPEN]
Tch--
[YANKS AT HIS HAND A FEW TIMES though if Lavi's really stubborn about it he'll give up and let this happen because he's fucking tired. The swamp sucks so bad even if it isn't messing with his head.]
Didn't even end up in there after all that... [He is suffering like this for NOTHING that's the last time he honors a dead person's wishes GOD]
He will very stubbornly keep hold of Kanda's hand which is so MESSED UP of him when Kanda is basically a fcking TB PATIENT right now. Or maybe he's doing this because he knows Kanda is a TB patient right now, hm...]
You kept reopening your injuries last week. It's better that they're healed now.
[you're about to tell me that none of them are healed actually]
[Is squeezed... maybe he'll learn how to handhold back before endgame. Wouldn't that be something.]
Fine.
[He's not going to not step in if someone goes wild in trial again, but--Lavi's near-breakdown is still fresh in his mind. Kanda can't give him much, but... he can at least give him this.]
[it will be a touching handhold right before kanda stabs him dramatically....
He'd expected Kanda to grumble back instead, so the answer surprises him -- even though it was the answer he'd been hoping for, but there's a difference between hoping for something and expecting it to happen?
Lavi smiles, because of course he does, just a silly little stupid smile that spreads across his face, hilarious considering the insanity of the last twenty four hours -- but he can't help it. He's happy....]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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No, he was -- incredibly angry, but he had pulled it in, used every ounce of his Bookman training -- and his own genuine sympathy for the other boy too, for being possessed, for having to kill Marina.
But if things had played out even a little bit differently during the trial, if Mathis hadn't told Lavi first about it -- if people had enough time to wonder if Kanda was responsible for Tomi then -- well. He knows how he would feel about it all then. And he wouldn't have forgiven Caelus. He still hasn't forgiven him now.]
No. I only mentioned that to Mathis, but I also told him I needed more time to figure it out. [which he did need more time to do,] I'm going to talk to him later.
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[Because no matter what Kanda says about attachments, about caution, about Lavi's resilience--he isn't immune to bias either. If Caelus's actions only hurt and endangered him, then that's fine; Kanda can deal with that, and he won't hold it against him in any way that matters. But if he'd truly caused them to spiral, if he'd started Lavi on some convoluted path of damage control that would only come back to bite them--then he'd be pissed at the both of them.
He doesn't mind if Mathis knows; Kanda himself probably won't say anything either way, because as far as he's concerned, it's no longer relevant to anyone. But if Lavi's confident enough in this theory, then he won't stop him from sharing it where he must.]
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[He says it out loud not only for Kanda to know, but for his own benefit too. That in the throes of his rage and terror and distrust in how everyone would react if they found out -- that he had been proven wrong. That people had reached out because they cared about Kanda.]
comes back from hot pot
But Lavi's breakdown is fresh in his mind, and--more than that, he knows Lavi well enough to understand what he's doing. He likely would've understood it before too, but now, with far more insight into Lavi's head and heart, he understands why Lavi's talking himself down like this. He can dredge up the patience for that, even when he feels shitty physically.]
...She talks a lot.
[Just an observation; he doesn't understand why Yuffie latched onto them like this, though he doesn't hate it like he'd say he does.]
your aqua bible soup......
I told Aerith I'd look after her, but I think she's the one doing the looking after.
[now if their positions were reversed, if Lavi had been the one to die instead... he doesn't doubt that aerith and her friends would have looked after Kanda too, if he had asked.]
MY INBOX IS A DISASTER
[She's just FOLLOWING THEM AROUND EVERYWHERE!!!! (yes she is she helped stock up on soba for him)]
WE REALLY DO HAVE SO MANY PCS WE CAN DROP THE SPIDER FOREST ONE
[HE'LL JUST SAY IT OUT LOUD]
me dropping it and immediately starting another one
[HE DIDN'T NEED TO SAY IT]
LSDMLFMD WELL LISTEN.....
She's looking after me too! So you're not the only one.
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[(Guy who is responsible for this water bottle and keeps letting her do what she wants voice)
Forcibly changes the subject back like an asshole]
Are you done worrying?
[About this specific problem, at least. Does he trust Yuffie and Mathis to stop people from trying to take Kanda out?]
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Lavi 'hms' and grabs Kanda's hand... woah (flushed), only to stick it in his own pocket. pocket hand warmer.]
Yeah.
[he's back to regular levels of worrying aka people just taking Kanda out for random ass reasons,]
I'm more worried about this. You're so cold!
[POPSICLE KANDA]
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Tch--
[YANKS AT HIS HAND A FEW TIMES though if Lavi's really stubborn about it he'll give up and let this happen because he's fucking tired. The swamp sucks so bad even if it isn't messing with his head.]
Didn't even end up in there after all that... [He is suffering like this for NOTHING that's the last time he honors a dead person's wishes GOD]
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He will very stubbornly keep hold of Kanda's hand which is so MESSED UP of him when Kanda is basically a fcking TB PATIENT right now. Or maybe he's doing this because he knows Kanda is a TB patient right now, hm...]
You kept reopening your injuries last week. It's better that they're healed now.
[you're about to tell me that none of them are healed actually]
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No I'm kidding they are. He'd be so mad if they weren't. Imagine finally doing this only to not get healed, he'd rather die of blood loss.
...
Mutters:] I forgot.
[He kept forgetting they weren't healing quickly... even though they were painful]
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Don't just forget?!
[HELLO???????]
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[LISTEN]
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...Just be more careful next time, okay?
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Fine.
[He's not going to not step in if someone goes wild in trial again, but--Lavi's near-breakdown is still fresh in his mind. Kanda can't give him much, but... he can at least give him this.]
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He'd expected Kanda to grumble back instead, so the answer surprises him -- even though it was the answer he'd been hoping for, but there's a difference between hoping for something and expecting it to happen?
Lavi smiles, because of course he does, just a silly little stupid smile that spreads across his face, hilarious considering the insanity of the last twenty four hours -- but he can't help it. He's happy....]
Thanks.
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Do we have anything else in this thread idr can we just FTBH (fade-to-black handholding)]
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I WAS GONNA SAY PLOT INFO BUT I FORGOT THAT HE GETS THAT ON MON TIME TO FREE US]