["Alma"--there's the faintest tug in his heart at the word, a glimmer of something, something sharp and soft and old and new all at once, but just as he reaches for it, it slips out of his reach. He grits his teeth, frustrated, hating how brittle and exposed he feels, hating that he doesn't understand why. What in the world could've been so bad that it would make him, of all people, cry?
It's tempting to storm out, to take refuge in the woods instead, even though the fog will be rolling in very soon. But... Lavi says he'll remember. He speaks with certainty, and maybe it's a little forced, the same way they force themselves to believe a lot of things in awful moments--but Kanda doesn't think he's lying. He wouldn't. Not on purpose. Not about something like this.
He draws in a shaky breath and opens his eyes again.]
...Let's go downstairs.
[He can't try to rest anymore--all he's going to do is lay awake and spiral over this, wasting time and energy on trying. His body is going numb again, and it's just all... there's too much. Being alone with his thoughts isn't helping anything. He needs the distraction of other people, for once. He can rest once they all pass out.
He wants to say no, he wants to shoot down the idea and tell Kanda to go back to bed and rest, especially with the whole group over at the house. But his lips flatten into a line instead, and he exhales, moving to stand up from the bed.]
...Okay.
[He debates letting Kanda somehow make the trip downstairs on his own, but his worry wins out, and he'll reach out to help support his balance as they walk down the stairs.
from there, he'll let the others fuss and talk to Kanda, and watch as Kanda remembers everyone there except for him.
but it's fine, because this won't last -- it won't last any further than Saturday, the forgetting and the way Kanda can't feel his own body, everything dragging him down and exposing him to danger. they'll make it through tonight and tomorrow, and the next day and the next.
the next time he sees Kanda, he'll see that look of recognition -- marking the end of every nightmare.]
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It's tempting to storm out, to take refuge in the woods instead, even though the fog will be rolling in very soon. But... Lavi says he'll remember. He speaks with certainty, and maybe it's a little forced, the same way they force themselves to believe a lot of things in awful moments--but Kanda doesn't think he's lying. He wouldn't. Not on purpose. Not about something like this.
He draws in a shaky breath and opens his eyes again.]
...Let's go downstairs.
[He can't try to rest anymore--all he's going to do is lay awake and spiral over this, wasting time and energy on trying. His body is going numb again, and it's just all... there's too much. Being alone with his thoughts isn't helping anything. He needs the distraction of other people, for once. He can rest once they all pass out.
Except he doesn't do that oops]
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He wants to say no, he wants to shoot down the idea and tell Kanda to go back to bed and rest, especially with the whole group over at the house. But his lips flatten into a line instead, and he exhales, moving to stand up from the bed.]
...Okay.
[He debates letting Kanda somehow make the trip downstairs on his own, but his worry wins out, and he'll reach out to help support his balance as they walk down the stairs.
from there, he'll let the others fuss and talk to Kanda, and watch as Kanda remembers everyone there except for him.
but it's fine, because this won't last -- it won't last any further than Saturday, the forgetting and the way Kanda can't feel his own body, everything dragging him down and exposing him to danger. they'll make it through tonight and tomorrow, and the next day and the next.
the next time he sees Kanda, he'll see that look of recognition -- marking the end of every nightmare.]