[THIS "WHATEVER" IS SO FUNNY!!!!!! It's very Kanda and therefore endears Lavi even more to him, wow. the M is real... That and he's more interested in all the other ways Kanda is letting him in,]
I did? [DID HE????? so much for that bookman memory....
....he continues to sit with Kanda while holding his hand.]
[STOP HE'S NO LONGER HORNY HE'S JUST AFFECTIONATE!!! it's really this energy right now as Lavi cuddles closer.... uwah]
Let's take a quick nap...
[they really just did endgame for 9 hours straight my god. what he really wants to do is SLEEP but apparently everyone is GOING HOME TOMORROW so now he has to nap really quickly and then see everyone off for one last time.... but nap first.... nap? nap?? nap??]
[With his seal restored, even broken as it is, Kanda's not nearly as tired as he could be--but it occurs to him now that he doesn't know what Lavi was doing before they reunited. For all he knows, Lavi was battling monsters nonstop. (Or worse. Kanda knows very well how much this place can fuck with your head.)
He nudges Lavi off of him and gets to his feet, and though he lets go of Lavi's hand, he doesn't pull away.]
Come on.
[He might as well let Lavi take advantage of quiet and security for the few hours they've got it. They can go to his apartment, which just looks like his room at the Order, broken window and lotus in the corner and all. The only difference is the screen that reflects the living side. It is perhaps very mean of him to make Lavi sleep with him literally right after forcing him to calm down but Kanda would not care about that even if he knew,,,]
[THIS WOULD BE SO MEAN IF LAVI DIDN'T KNOW KANDA!!! Maybe it is still a little mean, but Lavi's curiosity wins over -- LIKE ALWAYS -- as he uses a couple of precious minutes scoping out Kanda's room, feeling nostalgic.
He tugs off his scarf and coat and boots and whatever the fck those leg warmers he's wearing are and then sits on the edge of Kanda's bed, eye flicking to the only objecet in this room that's not from the Order.]
So that's how you've been watching us.
[DOES EVERYONE GET A TV IN THEIR ROOM OR DID KANDA SPECIFICALLY REQUEST ONE]
[NOT HIS LEG WARMERS HELP!! I guess Kanda will take his coat off finally and just dump it on the floor in the corner until they're ready to go wash their clothes. Thankfully he keeps it buttoned up so everything underneath is clean and he's not getting zombie guts on the bed.]
Mm. There are screens all over.
[HE DIDN'T REQUEST IT the rooms reflect the residents and sensed his desire to watch the living... luckily the Order has flatscreen technology so his manifested with a screen, but he would've just taken one from Costco for himself even if it hadn't. Not that he would ever admit that.]
[so he did request it..... Lavi internally debates taking off his pants for like half a second, but maybe he is very aware of how they're finally alone in a place that has a LOCK on it and decides that maybe he should just keep them on.......... it's fine IT'S FINE he can fall asleep in his uniform he's done it 5000 times before,
ANYWAY!!! he scoots over and pats the space on the bed next to him,]
The way there's nowhere else to sit in here so Kanda would have to be on the bed even if he didn't want to. Fortunately he does... he will sit on the bed and stretch his legs out, leaning back against the wall.]
How much time do you want? [So he knows when to wake Lavi up]
Lavi takes this as his cue to also get comfy, lying down and stretching out to his ridiculous height. He feels the exhaustion hit the moment he's horizontal. Good thing horny isn't happening tonight what if Lavi just FELL ASLEEP DURING IT....]
Just half an hour... [mumbling, but also he blinks up at Kanda] You're not gonna sleep?
[As if Lavi's not going to wake up and immediately want to make out some more
Blinks down at him. Is that what he wanted?]
We're not that safe yet. [Well. No. Technically they are the most safe they have ever been because there are no enemies here that only exorcists can deal with... but he got used to sleeping in shifts so that didn't occur to him until just now]
He's quiet for a minute, reluctant with paranoia--but the combination of effects, exhaustion, and his own desire to be close wins out. He sighs, but he scoots down until he's lying down beside Lavi. Whether he'll actually doze off or not is up in the air, but at least he gave in.]
Lavi lies back down at the same time, shifting so that he's on his side and facing Kanda. Both his expression and emotions are pleased, touched that Kanda is once again going along with what Lavi wants. It makes him want to stay awake just to soak up this moment, being with Kanda again after all those weeks of separation. He doesn't have to wonder about what Kanda is doing or thinking, or whether he's thinking of Lavi at all. If he's upset that they're still separated or if he's grimly accepted that distance.
Now the only distance remaining is the slim space between them on the bed, and Lavi shifts closer as if to make up for it. He doesn't reach out to touch Kanda, as tempted as he is. He just moves a little closer, so that the line of their bodies are pressed next to each other, marveling again at being able to touch and feel heat instead of a chill.
I missed this.
The touching, the tangibility. The quiet moment of shared intimacy, and the space for vulnerability... and the chance to just let go. To shed some of the weight accumulated from this past week -- months, to stop trying to shoulder everything on his own. It's not so much that he thinks Kanda will pick up those burdens for him -- but that he knows that the other won't judge him for wanting to let them go.
He thinks of falling and curls closer as if to ward off the sensation, distracting himself by looking at Kanda instead. At his newly formed ear, the strands of his now silky and smooth hair, the cord pulling it all up from his face. At how his chest rises and and falls with every breath -- that's important, very important. If only he could burn this image of Kanda over all the rest, but memories never work that way. But maybe he could still try?]
Yuu.
[he says the name half because he wants to, and half because he wants Kanda to look at him directly,]
[YOU SAY GAY AND THEN WRITE THIS GAY-ASS TAG HELLO
Once he's lying down, Kanda closes his eyes, intending to meditate instead of sleeping. It's the best of both worlds, he reasons; this way, he can rest his mind without sacrificing any alertness. Even if he can't sink into a full meditative trance, it won't matter, since this wasn't planned anyway.
Normally, he doesn't like to do this with other people around. Lavi has always been a complicated sort of exception. There are times when he's absorbed in his books, or his records, or even just his moodier thoughts, when he's quiet and still and Kanda's awareness flows around him, like a stream parting around a steady rock. Other times, he is impossible to ignore. On purpose, yes, when Lavi's in the mood for mischief--but even when he's quiet, there are days where his presence is simply impossible to ignore.
(Kanda has never told him this, and has no intention of ever doing so. Lavi doesn't need more turmoil over the space he takes up in the world.)
This, right now, is somewhere between the two. Even with his eyes closed, Kanda finds himself very much aware of Lavi beside him--he feels Lavi shift and turn, and he senses the way Lavi's gaze lingers on him. Kanda can't pretend he's not there even before he moves close enough to touch. But this time, it's comforting, not distracting. It's a reminder that their efforts worked, that they are both alive and whole for now--that one way or another, this nightmare is almost over. No more monsters that they don't know how to handle. No more torturous trips rife with faces from their memories. Finally, finally, no more distance.
They might meet their end tomorrow, but at least they'll be able to face it together.
Lavi thinks I missed this, and Kanda's thoughts don't respond--but they don't have to. This closeness is proof enough that he did, too.
He's still until Lavi says his name; at the sound of it, he opens his eyes again, turning his head to meet Lavi's gaze. Whether he knew Lavi wanted that, or simply wanted the same thing--his thoughts don't betray that either.
Lavi waits patiently, but it turns out he doesn't have to wait at all, because Kanda is already looking back at him. Kanda is looking at him with his usual serious, dark-eyed gaze, and it turns out hearts can flutter and jump and do all those things the books say they can just by meeting someone's eyes? Woah.
If asked, Lavi would say he's many things, but he's not a romantic. He can pretend to be a romantic, yes, and he can see the romance in other people's lives, but he's never been very interested in the subject. Curious, yes -- because what is Lavi not curious about -- but it's never possessed him the way love is supposed to, apparently. It was never a great sacrifice to be made, a wondrous thing to give up. And now?
Kanda tells him to 'go to sleep', and maybe the great poets forgot to mention how insane love can be, because this simple sentence makes his cheeks flush and his chest thump and his stomach twist itself into a braid. Is this love or a stomachache? Lavi can only wonder, and then immediately pray that his thought goes unheard. He's not a romantic, but he doesn't want to be the complete opposite either. (He can be detached. He can be logical. Rational. But he doesn't want to be those things right now.)
What he should want is to sleep, so Lavi shuts his eye and tries to surrender himself to the darkness and quiet, tries not to think too much about how Kanda is right here next to him, and how apparently he doesn't hate Lavi as much as anyone should hate him. Or worse, think of him with the indifference that Lavi used to crave.
His thoughts tumble along, but eventually -- eventually -- they slow down at the same time Lavi's breathing does, emotions ebbing away as the tide of sleep claims him.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I did? [DID HE????? so much for that bookman memory....
....he continues to sit with Kanda while holding his hand.]
We can go later.
[THEY CAN HANG OUT WITH THE JJKS LATER.........]
no subject
Sits here trying to decide if he wants to stay or not]
no subject
Let's take a quick nap...
[they really just did endgame for 9 hours straight my god. what he really wants to do is SLEEP but apparently everyone is GOING HOME TOMORROW so now he has to nap really quickly and then see everyone off for one last time.... but nap first.... nap? nap?? nap??]
no subject
He nudges Lavi off of him and gets to his feet, and though he lets go of Lavi's hand, he doesn't pull away.]
Come on.
[He might as well let Lavi take advantage of quiet and security for the few hours they've got it. They can go to his apartment, which just looks like his room at the Order, broken window and lotus in the corner and all. The only difference is the screen that reflects the living side. It is perhaps very mean of him to make Lavi sleep with him literally right after forcing him to calm down but Kanda would not care about that even if he knew,,,]
no subject
He tugs off his scarf and coat and boots and whatever the fck those leg warmers he's wearing are and then sits on the edge of Kanda's bed, eye flicking to the only objecet in this room that's not from the Order.]
So that's how you've been watching us.
[DOES EVERYONE GET A TV IN THEIR ROOM OR DID KANDA SPECIFICALLY REQUEST ONE]
no subject
Mm. There are screens all over.
[HE DIDN'T REQUEST IT the rooms reflect the residents and sensed his desire to watch the living... luckily the Order has flatscreen technology so his manifested with a screen, but he would've just taken one from Costco for himself even if it hadn't. Not that he would ever admit that.]
no subject
[so he did request it..... Lavi internally debates taking off his pants for like half a second, but maybe he is very aware of how they're finally alone in a place that has a LOCK on it and decides that maybe he should just keep them on.......... it's fine IT'S FINE he can fall asleep in his uniform he's done it 5000 times before,
ANYWAY!!! he scoots over and pats the space on the bed next to him,]
no subject
[HE DID NOT!!!
The way there's nowhere else to sit in here so Kanda would have to be on the bed even if he didn't want to. Fortunately he does... he will sit on the bed and stretch his legs out, leaning back against the wall.]
How much time do you want? [So he knows when to wake Lavi up]
no subject
Lavi takes this as his cue to also get comfy, lying down and stretching out to his ridiculous height. He feels the exhaustion hit the moment he's horizontal. Good thing horny isn't happening tonight what if Lavi just FELL ASLEEP DURING IT....]
Just half an hour... [mumbling, but also he blinks up at Kanda] You're not gonna sleep?
[:( THEIR NAP TIME.... TOGETHER]
no subject
Blinks down at him. Is that what he wanted?]
We're not that safe yet. [Well. No. Technically they are the most safe they have ever been because there are no enemies here that only exorcists can deal with... but he got used to sleeping in shifts so that didn't occur to him until just now]
no subject
Lavi props himself up on his elbows, still looking up at Kanda. He understands his caution of course, but also? consider that it's endgame?]
We are. [FIRMLY] We're the safest we've been since we got here.
[HE DIDN'T RUN THROUGH THAT RITUAL FOR NOTHING!!! he tugs off his headband, letting his swoopy hair flop into his eyes]
Just lie down.
no subject
He's quiet for a minute, reluctant with paranoia--but the combination of effects, exhaustion, and his own desire to be close wins out. He sighs, but he scoots down until he's lying down beside Lavi. Whether he'll actually doze off or not is up in the air, but at least he gave in.]
no subject
Lavi lies back down at the same time, shifting so that he's on his side and facing Kanda. Both his expression and emotions are pleased, touched that Kanda is once again going along with what Lavi wants. It makes him want to stay awake just to soak up this moment, being with Kanda again after all those weeks of separation. He doesn't have to wonder about what Kanda is doing or thinking, or whether he's thinking of Lavi at all. If he's upset that they're still separated or if he's grimly accepted that distance.
Now the only distance remaining is the slim space between them on the bed, and Lavi shifts closer as if to make up for it. He doesn't reach out to touch Kanda, as tempted as he is. He just moves a little closer, so that the line of their bodies are pressed next to each other, marveling again at being able to touch and feel heat instead of a chill.
I missed this.
The touching, the tangibility. The quiet moment of shared intimacy, and the space for vulnerability... and the chance to just let go. To shed some of the weight accumulated from this past week -- months, to stop trying to shoulder everything on his own. It's not so much that he thinks Kanda will pick up those burdens for him -- but that he knows that the other won't judge him for wanting to let them go.
He thinks of falling and curls closer as if to ward off the sensation, distracting himself by looking at Kanda instead. At his newly formed ear, the strands of his now silky and smooth hair, the cord pulling it all up from his face. At how his chest rises and and falls with every breath -- that's important, very important. If only he could burn this image of Kanda over all the rest, but memories never work that way. But maybe he could still try?]
Yuu.
[he says the name half because he wants to, and half because he wants Kanda to look at him directly,]
no subject
Once he's lying down, Kanda closes his eyes, intending to meditate instead of sleeping. It's the best of both worlds, he reasons; this way, he can rest his mind without sacrificing any alertness. Even if he can't sink into a full meditative trance, it won't matter, since this wasn't planned anyway.
Normally, he doesn't like to do this with other people around. Lavi has always been a complicated sort of exception. There are times when he's absorbed in his books, or his records, or even just his moodier thoughts, when he's quiet and still and Kanda's awareness flows around him, like a stream parting around a steady rock. Other times, he is impossible to ignore. On purpose, yes, when Lavi's in the mood for mischief--but even when he's quiet, there are days where his presence is simply impossible to ignore.
(Kanda has never told him this, and has no intention of ever doing so. Lavi doesn't need more turmoil over the space he takes up in the world.)
This, right now, is somewhere between the two. Even with his eyes closed, Kanda finds himself very much aware of Lavi beside him--he feels Lavi shift and turn, and he senses the way Lavi's gaze lingers on him. Kanda can't pretend he's not there even before he moves close enough to touch. But this time, it's comforting, not distracting. It's a reminder that their efforts worked, that they are both alive and whole for now--that one way or another, this nightmare is almost over. No more monsters that they don't know how to handle. No more torturous trips rife with faces from their memories. Finally, finally, no more distance.
They might meet their end tomorrow, but at least they'll be able to face it together.
Lavi thinks I missed this, and Kanda's thoughts don't respond--but they don't have to. This closeness is proof enough that he did, too.
He's still until Lavi says his name; at the sound of it, he opens his eyes again, turning his head to meet Lavi's gaze. Whether he knew Lavi wanted that, or simply wanted the same thing--his thoughts don't betray that either.
Quietly:]
Go to sleep.
no subject
Lavi waits patiently, but it turns out he doesn't have to wait at all, because Kanda is already looking back at him. Kanda is looking at him with his usual serious, dark-eyed gaze, and it turns out hearts can flutter and jump and do all those things the books say they can just by meeting someone's eyes? Woah.
If asked, Lavi would say he's many things, but he's not a romantic. He can pretend to be a romantic, yes, and he can see the romance in other people's lives, but he's never been very interested in the subject. Curious, yes -- because what is Lavi not curious about -- but it's never possessed him the way love is supposed to, apparently. It was never a great sacrifice to be made, a wondrous thing to give up. And now?
Kanda tells him to 'go to sleep', and maybe the great poets forgot to mention how insane love can be, because this simple sentence makes his cheeks flush and his chest thump and his stomach twist itself into a braid. Is this love or a stomachache? Lavi can only wonder, and then immediately pray that his thought goes unheard. He's not a romantic, but he doesn't want to be the complete opposite either. (He can be detached. He can be logical. Rational. But he doesn't want to be those things right now.)
What he should want is to sleep, so Lavi shuts his eye and tries to surrender himself to the darkness and quiet, tries not to think too much about how Kanda is right here next to him, and how apparently he doesn't hate Lavi as much as anyone should hate him. Or worse, think of him with the indifference that Lavi used to crave.
His thoughts tumble along, but eventually -- eventually -- they slow down at the same time Lavi's breathing does, emotions ebbing away as the tide of sleep claims him.]