[LITERALLY THOUGH. WHAT WOULD HE EVEN DO WITH HIS LIFE this is why he has to die before the series ends
Though, actually, he does have an answer for that. Kind of.]
If the past could be changed, the Order would just kill the Earl before anything happened, so I wouldn't be here. ["Here" meaning a whole number of things, but he doesn't clarify, because of course he doesn't. But he means this in his own way, too. He could wish that the Second Exorcist program was never implemented, or that his past self and that woman had run away and lived happily together instead of dying for the cause, but then what? "Yuu" wouldn't exist. He could wish that he and Alma had been reborn normal humans, or had somehow managed to escape safe and sound--but then what? What would that kind of life look like? Even after three months of freedom, he can't begin to imagine that.
But he knows Lavi won't be satisfied with the brush-off, and if he doesn't give some kind of answer, Lavi won't let it go, so he sighs like this is a GREAT BURDEN, then leans his head back.]
If not soba, [WHY IS SOBA STILL THE DEFAULT] I'd wish to find-- [Something... at the Order? Wasn't there... No. F̸o̷r̴ ̶t̷h̴e̶ ̷O̶r̵d̸e̶r̴?̷] --the Heart.
["here" really could mean so many things, but he doesn't think this is a wrong observation to make. that is, if the Order could even defeat the Earl (Lavi doesn't know that the earl turned into two babies once), even with all the knowledge they have of him now -- it's laughingly little. (that's cause Lavi doesn't know shit).
What's really interesting is what Kanda says next -- "to find the Heart", and the slight pause in between, though he's not sure what the hesitation means, it could simply be Kanda trying to think of something that's useful. Is it something he really wants? Or just him thinking of the logical next step?]
...Huh.
[of course, the wish also appeals to Lavi? getting to finally find the Heart and observe history in the making... but that's a personal desire of his too -- something that would make him happy.
would finding the Heart do anything like that for Kanda?]
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[yeah it's soba
Me like. WOULD HE WISH FOR NO MORE AKUMA. THAT WOULD BE SMART? BUT WOULD HE DO THAT?]
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kanda like i can't even imagine a world without akuma especially having lived a life irrevocably changed by them]
You've got regrets, don't you?
['alma karma', but lavi deftly avoids mentioning the word, even though he still remains curious]
Don't you have anything you wanna change?
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Though, actually, he does have an answer for that. Kind of.]
If the past could be changed, the Order would just kill the Earl before anything happened, so I wouldn't be here. ["Here" meaning a whole number of things, but he doesn't clarify, because of course he doesn't. But he means this in his own way, too. He could wish that the Second Exorcist program was never implemented, or that his past self and that woman had run away and lived happily together instead of dying for the cause, but then what? "Yuu" wouldn't exist. He could wish that he and Alma had been reborn normal humans, or had somehow managed to escape safe and sound--but then what? What would that kind of life look like? Even after three months of freedom, he can't begin to imagine that.
But he knows Lavi won't be satisfied with the brush-off, and if he doesn't give some kind of answer, Lavi won't let it go, so he sighs like this is a GREAT BURDEN, then leans his head back.]
If not soba, [WHY IS SOBA STILL THE DEFAULT] I'd wish to find-- [Something... at the Order? Wasn't there... No. F̸o̷r̴ ̶t̷h̴e̶ ̷O̶r̵d̸e̶r̴?̷] --the Heart.
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What's really interesting is what Kanda says next -- "to find the Heart", and the slight pause in between, though he's not sure what the hesitation means, it could simply be Kanda trying to think of something that's useful. Is it something he really wants? Or just him thinking of the logical next step?]
...Huh.
[of course, the wish also appeals to Lavi? getting to finally find the Heart and observe history in the making... but that's a personal desire of his too -- something that would make him happy.
would finding the Heart do anything like that for Kanda?]
I didn't expect that.
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Grumpily:]
Don't ask questions and then not like the answer. [WHAT DID HE USE HIS BRAINCELL FOR THEN HUH]
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[HE NEVER SAID HE DIDN'T LIKE IT?]
I think everything about you is interesting. I always have.
[this sounds so incredibly gay..... or maybe just.......... stalkerish?]
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[SAME RESPONSE AS EVER]
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That hurts, Yuu.....
[no it doesn't]
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tries to push him over]
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ESPECIALLY SINCE I ROLLED A 1 WHICH MEANS HE SUCCEEDS IN PUSHING KANDA OVER BUT THAT JUST MEANS KANDA'S PULLING OUT MUGEN TO CHASE HIS ASS DOWN]
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lavi will take his wins where he can which means he fcking BOOKS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! BYE!!!!!!!!!!!]