Lavi thinks of Teucer -- of the version he got to see, perhaps not a true version at all? Maybe one just manipulated by hell for whatever reasons, but... he remembers the expression on the young boy's face, the hope he placed in his older brother the toy seller, the disappointment at not getting to spend every second with him.
He meant what he said to Childe about his family, that he doesn't have any siblings. No one who looks up to him in that way. But he understands expectations, and he understands them more when they come from someone you love. Mostly, he understands it from Teucer's side. Having someone you look up to, who's your entire world.]
He does seem to like toys a lot. Dunno if your real career can compare.
[joking at first, then he's quiet]
...My Gramps kept secrets from me, secrets I didn't even know he had until I died for them. [...] I'm angry that he never said anything, and I think I'll always be angry.
...But I understand why. He was trying to protect me, like he's been taking care of me my whole life.
[so maybe if childe wasn't here and was still living in that world Lavi got to see so very briefly, then he'd have reached an understanding with Teucer. (looks at childe's delusion and frowns)]
The joke does its job--Childe smiles briefly, though it fades again as Lavi talks.
I think I'll always be angry, Lavi says. It's not something Childe can relate to himself--he simply isn't that sort of person. It's not that he's incapable of the rage that Lavi and Scaramouche seem to feel, it's just... there is so little that draws it out in him. But then again, if he thinks of the last time he'd been truly angry--wasn't that rooted in hurt? In betrayal, over being lied to?
(Yes, but it was more complicated than that--but Lavi doesn't need to hear about Childe's bad decisions right now.)
I think you've earned the right to be a little self-centered, he'd told Lavi weeks ago. He still feels that way now.
He tips his head back, looking up at the slowly darkening sky.]
I think it's fine to be angry. I don't know him, but if it were me, I'd expect you to be. [He does--well. Did expect it. Isn't sure if he's grateful or not, that he died away from home before Teucer learned the truth.] A well-intentioned lie is still a lie. Even if you understand it, you don't have to be grateful. Especially if you died for it--you had the right to know. [...] It doesn't mean you don't still care about each other.
[He's too controlled to let any wistfulness slip into his voice--too resigned to the worst-case scenario, one he's run through a thousand times in his head since the first time he lied to Teucer. But maybe he's a little quieter; maybe there's a little more distance to his gaze.]
But if you know them now, then you can make your own choices, can't you? You can do what you want.
"When that time comes, what will you choose to do? And where is your final destination?"
Childe looks up, and Lavi looks down. At his hands, his good one -- and the one pale against the scarlet of Childe's scarf. He remembers his first scarf. It had been a pale white, knotted clumsily around his neck by an older man, who scowled and harrumphed and kept him close. He tugged on that scarf as often as Lavi had pulled on his hair.]
...I want to see him again.
[...How much of his anger is love? How much should it be?
He thinks that, if it was anyone else but Childe, they'd ask him why, or scorn him for that desire. And then Lavi would have to put his mask up, and say something like 'I want to see him again to learn the truth', when in reality he just wants to see him again... to see.
'Is that stupid of me to want'? He almost asks, but he keeps the question on his tongue instead.]
[Like it's simple. Easy. This, at least, Childe knows how to do: speak with confidence about impossibilities, as if achieving them is a matter of time and willpower, nothing more. Escape the abyss? He managed that, albeit with help. Complete the Liyue mission? He did, technically, accomplish that. Get out of hell, despite losing access to the party? He'll figure it out. This is just the same.
Lavi's right--Childe isn't going to ask him "why." Especially not when it seems obvious, to him, that they're family, which is more than reason enough as far as Childe's concerned.]
[The corners of Lavi's mouth quirk up at that. He wonders what it's like to look at something impossible and see opportunity instead -- something he attributed to foolish optimism or to divine beings like Zagreus and Uriel.
But Childe's only human, and here he is, saying the exact same thing. And the last word Lavi would use to describe Childe would be foolish.]
...I think I get why you got promoted so early.
[and why, while gregory sounded frightened of both childe and scaramouche, he hadn't written childe off in the same way.]
It wasn't really that hard, but I'll take the compliment.
[He's downplaying, a little--partly to lighten Lavi's mood, and partly because... well. He can't talk about how easy it was for him to climb the ranks without talking about why, and that's not something he wants to get into. Not ever, preferably, but especially not right now.
He nudges him slightly; not enough to dislodge him, just enough to get his attention.]
Should I go grab you a real sling now?
[It's an open door--if Lavi has anything else to tell him, anything to ask or request to make, he'll listen. But he won't push for more, at least not right now.]
[Lavi hears the intention behind the question, and something fond curls in him in response. imagine i jumpscared you and said it was gay feelings.
but no, it's the softness Lavi feels every time he looks at another human being -- that is, when they're not reminding him of the worst parts of humanity. that they can be kind as well as cruel, sometimes even when they don't have to be.]
I feel like I put you through enough trouble already.
[the pain is still there, but manageable. both the physical and the emotional, all thanks to childe.]
I'll drop by the hospital, you should get back to the trial. I need someone to tell me everything that I'll miss.
[All of Lavi's feelings are gay feelings imo. Even when they are het.
But even though Childe's a caretaker type--and is definitely capable of fussing when he needs to--he trusts Lavi in this. Or, at the very least, he trusts Lavi to spend some time alone and pull himself together. Childe won't begrudge him for wanting that. So he nods, getting to his feet.]
Alright. Don't take too long or Kon will probably come looking for you.
But Childe just nods again. He's pretty sure that he didn't do all that much, actually, but he's not going to sit here and argue with Lavi about it; Lavi feels better, which was the goal, so it doesn't matter.]
Sure.
[OFF HE WILL GO back in to watch trial... Lavi can give him back his scarf later]
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Lavi thinks of Teucer -- of the version he got to see, perhaps not a true version at all? Maybe one just manipulated by hell for whatever reasons, but... he remembers the expression on the young boy's face, the hope he placed in his older brother the toy seller, the disappointment at not getting to spend every second with him.
He meant what he said to Childe about his family, that he doesn't have any siblings. No one who looks up to him in that way. But he understands expectations, and he understands them more when they come from someone you love. Mostly, he understands it from Teucer's side. Having someone you look up to, who's your entire world.]
He does seem to like toys a lot. Dunno if your real career can compare.
[joking at first, then he's quiet]
...My Gramps kept secrets from me, secrets I didn't even know he had until I died for them. [...] I'm angry that he never said anything, and I think I'll always be angry.
...But I understand why. He was trying to protect me, like he's been taking care of me my whole life.
[so maybe if childe wasn't here and was still living in that world Lavi got to see so very briefly, then he'd have reached an understanding with Teucer. (looks at childe's delusion and frowns)]
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The joke does its job--Childe smiles briefly, though it fades again as Lavi talks.
I think I'll always be angry, Lavi says. It's not something Childe can relate to himself--he simply isn't that sort of person. It's not that he's incapable of the rage that Lavi and Scaramouche seem to feel, it's just... there is so little that draws it out in him. But then again, if he thinks of the last time he'd been truly angry--wasn't that rooted in hurt? In betrayal, over being lied to?
(Yes, but it was more complicated than that--but Lavi doesn't need to hear about Childe's bad decisions right now.)
I think you've earned the right to be a little self-centered, he'd told Lavi weeks ago. He still feels that way now.
He tips his head back, looking up at the slowly darkening sky.]
I think it's fine to be angry. I don't know him, but if it were me, I'd expect you to be. [He does--well. Did expect it. Isn't sure if he's grateful or not, that he died away from home before Teucer learned the truth.] A well-intentioned lie is still a lie. Even if you understand it, you don't have to be grateful. Especially if you died for it--you had the right to know. [...] It doesn't mean you don't still care about each other.
[He's too controlled to let any wistfulness slip into his voice--too resigned to the worst-case scenario, one he's run through a thousand times in his head since the first time he lied to Teucer. But maybe he's a little quieter; maybe there's a little more distance to his gaze.]
But if you know them now, then you can make your own choices, can't you? You can do what you want.
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"When that time comes, what will you choose to do? And where is your final destination?"
Childe looks up, and Lavi looks down. At his hands, his good one -- and the one pale against the scarlet of Childe's scarf. He remembers his first scarf. It had been a pale white, knotted clumsily around his neck by an older man, who scowled and harrumphed and kept him close. He tugged on that scarf as often as Lavi had pulled on his hair.]
...I want to see him again.
[...How much of his anger is love? How much should it be?
He thinks that, if it was anyone else but Childe, they'd ask him why, or scorn him for that desire. And then Lavi would have to put his mask up, and say something like 'I want to see him again to learn the truth', when in reality he just wants to see him again... to see.
'Is that stupid of me to want'? He almost asks, but he keeps the question on his tongue instead.]
no subject
[Like it's simple. Easy. This, at least, Childe knows how to do: speak with confidence about impossibilities, as if achieving them is a matter of time and willpower, nothing more. Escape the abyss? He managed that, albeit with help. Complete the Liyue mission? He did, technically, accomplish that. Get out of hell, despite losing access to the party? He'll figure it out. This is just the same.
Lavi's right--Childe isn't going to ask him "why." Especially not when it seems obvious, to him, that they're family, which is more than reason enough as far as Childe's concerned.]
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But Childe's only human, and here he is, saying the exact same thing. And the last word Lavi would use to describe Childe would be foolish.]
...I think I get why you got promoted so early.
[and why, while gregory sounded frightened of both childe and scaramouche, he hadn't written childe off in the same way.]
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[Childe.]
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-- I think that also takes a lot of dedication to do?
[IT'S NOT LIKE FLIPPING A COIN AND JUST KILLING SOMEONE, at least he doesn't think it is, maybe genshin world is different]
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[He's downplaying, a little--partly to lighten Lavi's mood, and partly because... well. He can't talk about how easy it was for him to climb the ranks without talking about why, and that's not something he wants to get into. Not ever, preferably, but especially not right now.
He nudges him slightly; not enough to dislodge him, just enough to get his attention.]
Should I go grab you a real sling now?
[It's an open door--if Lavi has anything else to tell him, anything to ask or request to make, he'll listen. But he won't push for more, at least not right now.]
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but no, it's the softness Lavi feels every time he looks at another human being -- that is, when they're not reminding him of the worst parts of humanity. that they can be kind as well as cruel, sometimes even when they don't have to be.]
I feel like I put you through enough trouble already.
[the pain is still there, but manageable. both the physical and the emotional, all thanks to childe.]
I'll drop by the hospital, you should get back to the trial. I need someone to tell me everything that I'll miss.
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But even though Childe's a caretaker type--and is definitely capable of fussing when he needs to--he trusts Lavi in this. Or, at the very least, he trusts Lavi to spend some time alone and pull himself together. Childe won't begrudge him for wanting that. So he nods, getting to his feet.]
Alright. Don't take too long or Kon will probably come looking for you.
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also stop not this reminder..... lavi will text kon later though like a good het(?)... thank you sweet childe, but just as he goes,]
Oh, and -- [...] Thanks.
[(,,>﹏<,,) shy]
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But Childe just nods again. He's pretty sure that he didn't do all that much, actually, but he's not going to sit here and argue with Lavi about it; Lavi feels better, which was the goal, so it doesn't matter.]
Sure.
[OFF HE WILL GO back in to watch trial... Lavi can give him back his scarf later]