I already told him last week that I wouldn't trust him. If he thought that would change, he's an idiot.
[Caelus has followed him around enough to know what he's like; if he still reached out for the impossible anyway, that's on him. Kanda won't change who is for someone he's only known for a few weeks--and today just proved he was right not to.
Personally, he thinks Caelus would probably be suffering more now if Kanda had given him what he wanted, but. He keeps that to himself.]
[if lavi hadn't set up an insane amount of dates and then had to listen to Caelus talk about how he's going to die single then he might not have made the connection between that and this moment, an inkling of a feeling that he knows what might have occurred.
but for once, he doesn't want to ask the follow up question, for some reason. maybe the reason is that it doesn't matter now. or maybe it's just the disquiet at the realization that he might have encouraged Caelus to do something that Lavi would have told him not to do, if he had known. because he's seen this happen so many times, and he knows how futile it is. it's definitely not because he feels fidgety and anxious about the tiniest possibility that Kanda would have been fine with it, or accepted whatever it was with an eye roll and tch -- like he has with Lavi on so many occasions. of course not.
god. he flips out once and spills his feelings everywhere and now he can't get a grasp on any of them,]
I'm planning on seeing him later, after I talk to the Masks. Are you gonna go to the pyre?
Yes. [He won't change that either. By now, he's a little more trusting of the barriers, but--it's the only thing he can do. Whether he'll talk to Caelus or not... that's up to Caelus, really; but either way, Kanda will be there like always.]
...See if he'll tell you more about where he got that note.
[If Caelus has nothing left to lose, maybe he'll fess up. Kanda isn't stupid enough to not realize he would've had a chance at getting that information, had he played along earlier in the week--but he isn't that sort of person, and wouldn't know how to be even if he wanted to try.]
[HE WAS SETTING UP DATES BETWEEN PEOPLE NOT FOR HIMSELF
He figured Kanda would go -- and well, it'd look more suspicious if Kanda wasn't acting his usual self after the end of trial. Lavi touches his face absentmindedly, and nods. He'd almost forgotten about the note after this hellish week, damn. It doesn't even occur to him that Kanda could have found this out himself if he said yes to whatever Caelus was asking him -- simply because he can't imagine Kanda ever putting himself in a situation where he'd had to be dishonest and lie?
[A different sort of person would reach out after all of this, probably. Even for the barest of seconds, someone with an ounce of emotional competence would know that this is the perfect moment for it: a squeeze of the hand, a touch to the shoulder, anything.
Kanda, instead, simply stands for a minute, studying his face a little longer--searching, maybe, for Lavi's thoughts, for who the man in front of him is right now. But he doesn't say anything else; he simply turns to head back towards the pyre, taking up his usual spot.]
[Lavi prepares to leave, but then Kanda looks at him -- so he stops, waiting -- for what, he doesn't know. He doesn't expect Kanda to reach out, because Kanda already had earlier, in his own way. So when the other man turns to go, he doesn't feel bereft.
He feels grateful, that they still have time. That this revelation had come at the very end when Caelus had already taken up everyone's attention. That he doesn't have to confront Yuu when he's behind a veil and unable to move or escape anyone's attention. That they can still talk and argue and be idiots together and then part, knowing they'll see each other again.
His chest throbs and his face does too -- stinging with pain, and he's afraid still -- but he feels light too. They'll work it out together. He can walk off the rest of his fear and anger, he can ruminate on his own and review the last nine hours and the last ten minutes and that moment when Kanda had looked at him calmly and said his actual name --
but for now, he needs answers, and he's going to go and get as many as possible.]
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[It's not his fault if it's always true!!!]
I already told him last week that I wouldn't trust him. If he thought that would change, he's an idiot.
[Caelus has followed him around enough to know what he's like; if he still reached out for the impossible anyway, that's on him. Kanda won't change who is for someone he's only known for a few weeks--and today just proved he was right not to.
Personally, he thinks Caelus would probably be suffering more now if Kanda had given him what he wanted, but. He keeps that to himself.]
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[if lavi hadn't set up an insane amount of dates and then had to listen to Caelus talk about how he's going to die single then he might not have made the connection between that and this moment, an inkling of a feeling that he knows what might have occurred.
but for once, he doesn't want to ask the follow up question, for some reason. maybe the reason is that it doesn't matter now. or maybe it's just the disquiet at the realization that he might have encouraged Caelus to do something that Lavi would have told him not to do, if he had known. because he's seen this happen so many times, and he knows how futile it is. it's definitely not because he feels fidgety and anxious about the tiniest possibility that Kanda would have been fine with it, or accepted whatever it was with an eye roll and tch -- like he has with Lavi on so many occasions. of course not.
god. he flips out once and spills his feelings everywhere and now he can't get a grasp on any of them,]
I'm planning on seeing him later, after I talk to the Masks. Are you gonna go to the pyre?
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Yes. [He won't change that either. By now, he's a little more trusting of the barriers, but--it's the only thing he can do. Whether he'll talk to Caelus or not... that's up to Caelus, really; but either way, Kanda will be there like always.]
...See if he'll tell you more about where he got that note.
[If Caelus has nothing left to lose, maybe he'll fess up. Kanda isn't stupid enough to not realize he would've had a chance at getting that information, had he played along earlier in the week--but he isn't that sort of person, and wouldn't know how to be even if he wanted to try.]
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He figured Kanda would go -- and well, it'd look more suspicious if Kanda wasn't acting his usual self after the end of trial. Lavi touches his face absentmindedly, and nods. He'd almost forgotten about the note after this hellish week, damn. It doesn't even occur to him that Kanda could have found this out himself if he said yes to whatever Caelus was asking him -- simply because he can't imagine Kanda ever putting himself in a situation where he'd had to be dishonest and lie?
That's Lavi's job.]
Alright. I'll meet you at the pyre later.
[so that they can all stand vigil together]
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[A different sort of person would reach out after all of this, probably. Even for the barest of seconds, someone with an ounce of emotional competence would know that this is the perfect moment for it: a squeeze of the hand, a touch to the shoulder, anything.
Kanda, instead, simply stands for a minute, studying his face a little longer--searching, maybe, for Lavi's thoughts, for who the man in front of him is right now. But he doesn't say anything else; he simply turns to head back towards the pyre, taking up his usual spot.]
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He feels grateful, that they still have time. That this revelation had come at the very end when Caelus had already taken up everyone's attention. That he doesn't have to confront Yuu when he's behind a veil and unable to move or escape anyone's attention. That they can still talk and argue and be idiots together and then part, knowing they'll see each other again.
His chest throbs and his face does too -- stinging with pain, and he's afraid still -- but he feels light too. They'll work it out together. He can walk off the rest of his fear and anger, he can ruminate on his own and review the last nine hours and the last ten minutes and that moment when Kanda had looked at him calmly and said his actual name --
but for now, he needs answers, and he's going to go and get as many as possible.]
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