Kanda relaxes a little (for him) upon hearing that Lavi did not accidentally condemn himself to proxy death, even though he will die tonight because you are tutorial
[me and lavi in the pc: :man_standing: also STOP ACCUSING ME YOU ARE SO SUSPICIOUS
Lavi shoots Kanda a Look but it's not his usual 'kanda why' sort of looks, just an unusually (for him) serious expression as he looks back,]
No.
[lavi was missing for that whole arc, but he still knows the weight of what Exorcists carry. chained by a power they never chose or wanted to be responsible for. kanda might not ever talk about it in the way lenalee has, but it's still a burden. and this monster situation could easily turn into something just like that.]
But he... appreciates that, though he'll only ever show it in his own way. It's not as though he thought Lavi didn't understand the stakes, or even that Lavi can't keep secrets, not when he's pretty sure he's one of the few people who's seen behind the mask.
But Kanda is a free man, now. It doesn't matter that he walked back through those doors, that he put that coat back on his shoulders. That was a choice he made, for himself, and for Alma--him and her. His actions and intentions are his own, and he's chosen to s̴e̷r̵v̴e̸ ̵t̶h̵e̵ ̴O̵r̴d̷e̸r̴. He will not let anyone put chains back on him, regardless of their intentions.
He's quiet for a little while, debating.]
Tell me.
[So that he won't be caught off-guard if that same person mentions it, and give it away with a poorly-timed expression. He'd do the same for Lavi--because ultimately, even though Kanda will protect the others if he can, there is only one person here he truly trusts and cares to fight for. Lavi's freedom of choice supersedes everyone's but his own.]
He can hear Bookman's voice in the back of his mind, a warning, but ignorance is something the older man's used against him too -- how many times has Lavi asked for clarification, especially recently? And it's not like someone can reach into Kanda's mind and pluck the information from his head (HAHA).
...and considering how Lavi found out, there's a high chance Kanda will soon too -- and others.]
It's Izutsumi -- the cat girl.
[a part of lavi thinks this is such a funny match up, but at least it's not boothill]
[Imagine if Kanda was like "who's that" as if he wouldn't notice a wholeass cat girl
But no, he just takes that in, then nods. That's fine... he thinks there's a pretty good chance that they'll both just avoid each other so the chances of an accidental partnership are pretty low.]
Did you ask, or did she tell you on her own? [Since he knows Lavi is NOSY e.g. a much more efficient info-gatherer than he is, with his own straightforward way of conversing]
She asked first. Said she was looking for her partner.
[a nice little reversal because Lavi is usually the one who'd ask, though he's been a lot more reticent now considering the whole LIFE TIE THING why doesn't he just lie well listen]
We both felt weird after we swapped letters -- probably cause it still counted, so she ended up telling me.
I've never said that. [He says, constantly swooping in to save people including Lavi if needed BUT LISTEN!! LISTEN. More importantly:] Why the hell does she think that?
It's not a far-off thought to have, yeah? It's like you said -- it's power.
[monsters and wishes are very different from innocence, but the desire to possess it -- he's seen that sheen in so many eyes, every finder, scientist, guard, every single person who wasn't an exorcist.]
[He's quiet for a little while, thinking that over.
Eventually:]
It would only work if everyone got together and agreed to bind themselves. And trying that wouldn't even be worth it unless we could guarantee it would give us a fighting chance of getting out. We'd only have the word of those four to go on.
[So they'd probably just fail and get themselves killed tbh]
[i hope bad end is because we have so many fcks refusing to find their monsters]
...And according to them, the wishes can't do anything to disrupt the ritual. I don't know if it's worth making any others if we're all gonna get sacrificed in the end.
[LITERALLY THOUGH. WHAT WOULD HE EVEN DO WITH HIS LIFE this is why he has to die before the series ends
Though, actually, he does have an answer for that. Kind of.]
If the past could be changed, the Order would just kill the Earl before anything happened, so I wouldn't be here. ["Here" meaning a whole number of things, but he doesn't clarify, because of course he doesn't. But he means this in his own way, too. He could wish that the Second Exorcist program was never implemented, or that his past self and that woman had run away and lived happily together instead of dying for the cause, but then what? "Yuu" wouldn't exist. He could wish that he and Alma had been reborn normal humans, or had somehow managed to escape safe and sound--but then what? What would that kind of life look like? Even after three months of freedom, he can't begin to imagine that.
But he knows Lavi won't be satisfied with the brush-off, and if he doesn't give some kind of answer, Lavi won't let it go, so he sighs like this is a GREAT BURDEN, then leans his head back.]
If not soba, [WHY IS SOBA STILL THE DEFAULT] I'd wish to find-- [Something... at the Order? Wasn't there... No. F̸o̷r̴ ̶t̷h̴e̶ ̷O̶r̵d̸e̶r̴?̷] --the Heart.
["here" really could mean so many things, but he doesn't think this is a wrong observation to make. that is, if the Order could even defeat the Earl (Lavi doesn't know that the earl turned into two babies once), even with all the knowledge they have of him now -- it's laughingly little. (that's cause Lavi doesn't know shit).
What's really interesting is what Kanda says next -- "to find the Heart", and the slight pause in between, though he's not sure what the hesitation means, it could simply be Kanda trying to think of something that's useful. Is it something he really wants? Or just him thinking of the logical next step?]
...Huh.
[of course, the wish also appeals to Lavi? getting to finally find the Heart and observe history in the making... but that's a personal desire of his too -- something that would make him happy.
would finding the Heart do anything like that for Kanda?]
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Kanda relaxes a little (for him) upon hearing that Lavi did not accidentally condemn himself to proxy death, even though he will die tonight because you are tutorial
But also, eyes him]
Did you tell them? [That he's the other one]
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Lavi shoots Kanda a Look but it's not his usual 'kanda why' sort of looks, just an unusually (for him) serious expression as he looks back,]
No.
[lavi was missing for that whole arc, but he still knows the weight of what Exorcists carry. chained by a power they never chose or wanted to be responsible for. kanda might not ever talk about it in the way lenalee has, but it's still a burden. and this monster situation could easily turn into something just like that.]
I'm not planning to either.
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But he... appreciates that, though he'll only ever show it in his own way. It's not as though he thought Lavi didn't understand the stakes, or even that Lavi can't keep secrets, not when he's pretty sure he's one of the few people who's seen behind the mask.
But Kanda is a free man, now. It doesn't matter that he walked back through those doors, that he put that coat back on his shoulders. That was a choice he made, for himself, and for Alma--him and her. His actions and intentions are his own, and he's chosen to s̴e̷r̵v̴e̸ ̵t̶h̵e̵ ̴O̵r̴d̷e̸r̴. He will not let anyone put chains back on him, regardless of their intentions.
He's quiet for a little while, debating.]
Tell me.
[So that he won't be caught off-guard if that same person mentions it, and give it away with a poorly-timed expression. He'd do the same for Lavi--because ultimately, even though Kanda will protect the others if he can, there is only one person here he truly trusts and cares to fight for. Lavi's freedom of choice supersedes everyone's but his own.]
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He can hear Bookman's voice in the back of his mind, a warning, but ignorance is something the older man's used against him too -- how many times has Lavi asked for clarification, especially recently? And it's not like someone can reach into Kanda's mind and pluck the information from his head (HAHA).
...and considering how Lavi found out, there's a high chance Kanda will soon too -- and others.]
It's Izutsumi -- the cat girl.
[a part of lavi thinks this is such a funny match up, but at least it's not boothill]
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But no, he just takes that in, then nods. That's fine... he thinks there's a pretty good chance that they'll both just avoid each other so the chances of an accidental partnership are pretty low.]
Did you ask, or did she tell you on her own? [Since he knows Lavi is NOSY e.g. a much more efficient info-gatherer than he is, with his own straightforward way of conversing]
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She asked first. Said she was looking for her partner.
[a nice little reversal because Lavi is usually the one who'd ask, though he's been a lot more reticent now considering the whole LIFE TIE THING why doesn't he just lie well listen]
We both felt weird after we swapped letters -- probably cause it still counted, so she ended up telling me.
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...She wants the extra power, then. [Or the wish, or whatever it was the NPCs promised. Why else would she bother with the risk?]
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[and damn maybe it might be after the MURDER but for now]
And she said she’d protect me when I asked about the life bond. …I guess she kinda reminds me of you…
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I've never said that. [He says, constantly swooping in to save people including Lavi if needed BUT LISTEN!! LISTEN. More importantly:] Why the hell does she think that?
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It's not a far-off thought to have, yeah? It's like you said -- it's power.
[monsters and wishes are very different from innocence, but the desire to possess it -- he's seen that sheen in so many eyes, every finder, scientist, guard, every single person who wasn't an exorcist.]
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[He's quiet for a little while, thinking that over.
Eventually:]
It would only work if everyone got together and agreed to bind themselves. And trying that wouldn't even be worth it unless we could guarantee it would give us a fighting chance of getting out. We'd only have the word of those four to go on.
[So they'd probably just fail and get themselves killed tbh]
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...And according to them, the wishes can't do anything to disrupt the ritual. I don't know if it's worth making any others if we're all gonna get sacrificed in the end.
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But, yeah. He snorts.]
Wishes like "I'll bring your dead mother back to life for you," probably. [What would Kanda even wish for he doesn't want fucking anything]
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anyway reads his meta]
What would you wish for?
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Don't tamper with weird magic, stupid rabbit.
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[...]
Is it soba?
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[yeah it's soba
Me like. WOULD HE WISH FOR NO MORE AKUMA. THAT WOULD BE SMART? BUT WOULD HE DO THAT?]
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kanda like i can't even imagine a world without akuma especially having lived a life irrevocably changed by them]
You've got regrets, don't you?
['alma karma', but lavi deftly avoids mentioning the word, even though he still remains curious]
Don't you have anything you wanna change?
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Though, actually, he does have an answer for that. Kind of.]
If the past could be changed, the Order would just kill the Earl before anything happened, so I wouldn't be here. ["Here" meaning a whole number of things, but he doesn't clarify, because of course he doesn't. But he means this in his own way, too. He could wish that the Second Exorcist program was never implemented, or that his past self and that woman had run away and lived happily together instead of dying for the cause, but then what? "Yuu" wouldn't exist. He could wish that he and Alma had been reborn normal humans, or had somehow managed to escape safe and sound--but then what? What would that kind of life look like? Even after three months of freedom, he can't begin to imagine that.
But he knows Lavi won't be satisfied with the brush-off, and if he doesn't give some kind of answer, Lavi won't let it go, so he sighs like this is a GREAT BURDEN, then leans his head back.]
If not soba, [WHY IS SOBA STILL THE DEFAULT] I'd wish to find-- [Something... at the Order? Wasn't there... No. F̸o̷r̴ ̶t̷h̴e̶ ̷O̶r̵d̸e̶r̴?̷] --the Heart.
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What's really interesting is what Kanda says next -- "to find the Heart", and the slight pause in between, though he's not sure what the hesitation means, it could simply be Kanda trying to think of something that's useful. Is it something he really wants? Or just him thinking of the logical next step?]
...Huh.
[of course, the wish also appeals to Lavi? getting to finally find the Heart and observe history in the making... but that's a personal desire of his too -- something that would make him happy.
would finding the Heart do anything like that for Kanda?]
I didn't expect that.
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Grumpily:]
Don't ask questions and then not like the answer. [WHAT DID HE USE HIS BRAINCELL FOR THEN HUH]
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[HE NEVER SAID HE DIDN'T LIKE IT?]
I think everything about you is interesting. I always have.
[this sounds so incredibly gay..... or maybe just.......... stalkerish?]
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[SAME RESPONSE AS EVER]
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That hurts, Yuu.....
[no it doesn't]
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