Bookman Junior | "lavi" (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bookpapers) wrote2024-06-08 07:15 pm
bookpapers) wrote2024-06-08 07:15 pmKARLACHHHHH
one day ill have images prepared
bookpapers) wrote2024-06-08 07:15 pm
no subject
...M'sorry, Kar. I know you guys were close.
no subject
It's... not alright, but it's almost better, in a shitty way. I was trying real hard to keep him standing but he wasn't really all that interested. [she rubs at her face.] It's such shit, to see people just give up.
no subject
[simply existed]
no subject
Like trying to keep a fire going and it's fucking fighting you every step of the way, and then you think - maybe you've got it, you got it to catch, and then it fucking pours.
[...]
I couldn't do anything for him. I'm not used to that.
no subject
One of my friends was like that too, after we lost a comrade. Except I was pretty shitty to her about it -- told her to stand up and get over it.
[he smiles, a little wryly]
In the end, it wasn't anything that I said or did that helped her. She just found the resolve to stand up again on her own. [...] I think that's what Tomi needed too. His own strength.
no subject
Inspiring, patches. [teasing a bit...] I don't know if he had it. So much bad shit happened to him and Ichiban was the one that got him up out of it, and he was just convinced there was no starting over a second time.
[...]
D'you feel like it's hopeless here, Lavi? In this place.
no subject
No.
...Might not mean much from the guy who didn't choose Hope, but. I didn't think we really needed her, at the time. I figured as long as even one person was alive, then they'd keep fighting. [he reaches up to lightly tap her on the chest] Just like now.
no subject
I'm not giving up just yet, so don't worry about that. [...] Just trying to get a sense of how bad it is. When you're at the point that two people dead instead of four is a relief, you've got to test the waters.
Not everybody here is a soldier. It weighs.
no subject
...It really does feel like a relief. [....] I'm worried about Daan.
no subject
He's - teetering. I don't think this is going to be the thing that breaks him, but he's close. I've been trying to keep him together.
[picks at her bandages...]
Gods, I don't know what I'd do if he went.
no subject
...We're here for you too, Kar. And for Daan.
[though he understands, because it's very hard not to notice Daan's emotional state --]
I think -- no matter what, he'll want to see things through. As long as he's got answers to chase.
no subject
I know. [scrubs at her face with one hand.] I'm - fine.
[to the first part. the second part:]
It's always the shit out of my control that I worry about. Who doesn't, right? I know he wants to stick with us. I just keep hoping something won't take that chance from him.
From any of you. Useless as that is. We wake up every Friday anyway.
no subject
I dunno, I like having you root for me.
[lightly, though he sobers]
I hate the loss, and I hate waiting. Figuring out who killed who only goes so far, y'know? I want to get at the root of all of this already.
no subject
I'll keep on being here, then.
[that seems important. a beat.]
But yeah, I'm with you there. We haven't got any solid goals and I think it's got most of us spinning our wheels. It's hard to keep spirits up when it's never ending. When we're just looking at week after week of losing more people for what seems like no reason.