Lavi thinks briefly of sitting next to vs across from Kanda.... If he sits across from him then he can see his expression better.... but if he sits next to him then he can be... next to him!
He sits next to him,]
You've been up here already? When was that?
[Aww... I thought this would be his first time. DON'T JUST AW IN YOUR THOUGHTS]
[YOU CAN'T SEE THE VIEW THIS WAY STUPID!!! But Kanda doesn't say that because he is... actually looking out over the water as they start to ascend. It's kind of nice? Especially in the near-darkness like this, when the vast blue of the sky is more difficult to make out, and will be painted in warm hues before he has to deal with it.]
With Mathis, the other day. [Didn't want him falling out like an idiot.]
[He smiles a bit at that, which means it's a good thing Kanda's distracted by the view or he'd gut punch Lavi on principle? He even stops himself from thinking any thoughts that might be broadcasted out loud and encourage Kanda to push him from the fcking gondola.
Instead, he leans an elbow against the window and props his head up with his chin, watching Kanda look out at the still dark sky.]
[Hm. There's a brief flicker of thought, just a simple nice--but otherwise Kanda stays silent and turns his gaze back out towards the ocean, watching the horizon start to brighten.]
[There's a little question mark that floats over Lavi's head when he hears the word 'nice' because... NICE WHAT, KANDA? NICE CLOUDS? NICE BREEZE? NICE WHEEL?
He's not so distracted that he forgets about it even when Kanda follows that up with his usual boundless cheer,]
It's been around four months for you, right? Since you left the Order.
[And since I disappeared.]
I wonder if Komui and the others will believe us...
She sounds like she's about to cry every time she talks to me.
[She probably is yeah but also she's so fucking nervous all the time. Truly if Mathis hadn't become a water bottle he would annoy Kanda in the same way]
[He wants to take the opening so bad SOOO BAD HE WANTS TO TAKE THE BAIT SO BAAAAAD but for once Lavi shuts his FCKING MOUTH, and smiles about it instead,]
Hey, I need my head to watch the sunrise with you.
[he leans over to nudge Kanda in the side a little, and turns his head to watch the still shadowy view, shades of light brightening in the dawn of the sky.]
[SIGHS...... but props his elbow on the side of the ferris wheel carriage and looks back out the window too, quiet. He really could point out that it would be easier for Lavi to see it from the other side, but--well, it's hardly the first time Lavi's squished next to him somewhere. As long as Lavi doesn't start braiding his hair, he can stay where he is.]
jk, he is more than happy to sit like this and take in Kanda framed by the sunrise. his memory is always more of a curse than not -- useful in some ways, sure. for remembering dates and facts and details. it's saved his life on missions more than once. it's vital to who he is as a member of the bookman clan.
but it's the reason for all his nightmares, why all the toils of humanity remain burned in him. so many bodies, back home and here. when he closes his eye he can only see faces of people dead and gone. people who rely on him to remember that they existed. he feels the weight of all that ink and paper on him at all times.
and yet, as Lavi sits next to Kanda as the wheel slowly turns, as he watches the light break upon his face, Kanda's neutral expression like he's not even interested or having fun, and yet just the fact he's not spitting mad or exasperated means so much -- he can only be grateful for that punishing memory of his, because it'll let him remember every stroke and detail of this moment. his absurdly long eyelashes, dark against his pale cheek. the shadow cast by his hand cut by the angle of his cheekbones. it'll let him carry Kanda with him, on this day and the next, forever and ever.
[Meanwhile, Kanda is oblivious to all of these thoughts.
(Or is he? There is a lot that flies over his head. But there's a lot he notices, too. Lavi's all-seeing gaze on him so, so often, to the point where Kanda's grown to rely on him to provide the answers that Kanda won't, because he's sure Lavi's gleaned them somehow. The slips of the mask, the ones that prompted him to say I'd know if it was you. Lavi holding the full truth of him, from "birth" to "death," and breaking his own oath to protect it. Everything that's built up to this: Lavi being allowed in his space in ways no one else is, trusted in full, even though Kanda should be as suspicious of him as anyone else.
...But does it matter, if it's not something he'll ever address?)
[He immediately flushes red -- or maybe that's the light of the sun? Either way, Kanda isn't looking at him, so -- he's safe. It's not that he's surprised Kanda noticed -- he's long since suspected him of having a third eye in the back of his head -- but he's surprised that he's bothered to mention it out loud.
He's always thought of their relationship in silences - ironic considering how often lavi talks away at kanda, constantly filling up the spaces with his words and his noise. but all that chatter is his own, whereas Kanda is always quiet in return. Kanda never falls into the trap of conversation, has never folded against the brunt of Lavi's false friendliness, has never expected anything, demanded, or asked Lavi to be anything. He's simply existed. this is someone who'll never see me, lavi had thought once, long ago, and he'd been relieved to meet someone so easy to get along with.
but now? he feels the itch beneath his skin, the trail leading deeper -- somewhere in that nonexistent heart that's slowly, quietly grown in all those silences. without being noticed or remarked upon, until now.]
I like looking at you.
[the words tumble out a little awkwardly, instead of his usual cheer. and he turns a little redder in response, feeling like an IDIOT, and thanking the god every exorcists hates that Kanda is still looking away... this is the only time he can be a bottom
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Lavi thinks briefly of sitting next to vs across from Kanda.... If he sits across from him then he can see his expression better.... but if he sits next to him then he can be... next to him!
He sits next to him,]
You've been up here already? When was that?
[Aww... I thought this would be his first time. DON'T JUST AW IN YOUR THOUGHTS]
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With Mathis, the other day. [Didn't want him falling out like an idiot.]
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Instead, he leans an elbow against the window and props his head up with his chin, watching Kanda look out at the still dark sky.]
How's the view now?
[Do you like it better?]
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It's just an ocean, Stupid Rabbit. [Kanda,]
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It's nice seeing it from this high up! It's like I'm back on my hammer.
[I miss going up in the sky.]
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I didn't know you liked it that much.]
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The view always gets my heart pumping. ...And it's where I can be alone with my thoughts.
[Gramps can't chase me up there.]
But I like seeing it with you now.
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You could be alone with them more if you weren't so loud all the time. [KANDA DON'T BE RUDE FOR NO REASON]
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at that, he laughs because like eunhyuk, lavi is also charmed by fcking IDIOTS]
I don't want to be alone all the time. Just this much is enough.
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You're not alone, stupid. [Tempted to kick his foot... but too lazy]
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...Yeah, I guess I'm not.
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...We've been gone for a month.
[Ruins the cute moment with seriousness]
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He's not so distracted that he forgets about it even when Kanda follows that up with his usual boundless cheer,]
It's been around four months for you, right? Since you left the Order.
[And since I disappeared.]
I wonder if Komui and the others will believe us...
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It's not that much weirder than the shit we do every day.
[That's what Lavi said in the beginning but he's echoing the sentiment now, since it remains true]
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...I guess Miranda trapping everyone in a time loop for thirteen days is still weirder.
[he says it fondly.... he wasn't there for that arc but he thinks it sounded fun (it was horrifying for everyone involved)]
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[Kanda,]
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but lavi asks anyway]
Really? But she always gives you space...
[miranda is probably incredibly afraid of kanda]
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[She probably is yeah but also she's so fucking nervous all the time. Truly if Mathis hadn't become a water bottle he would annoy Kanda in the same way]
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[A cute cat.]
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[Kanda it's too early for this can you enjoy the fucking sunrise]
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Hey, I need my head to watch the sunrise with you.
[he leans over to nudge Kanda in the side a little, and turns his head to watch the still shadowy view, shades of light brightening in the dawn of the sky.]
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jk, he is more than happy to sit like this and take in Kanda framed by the sunrise. his memory is always more of a curse than not -- useful in some ways, sure. for remembering dates and facts and details. it's saved his life on missions more than once. it's vital to who he is as a member of the bookman clan.
but it's the reason for all his nightmares, why all the toils of humanity remain burned in him. so many bodies, back home and here. when he closes his eye he can only see faces of people dead and gone. people who rely on him to remember that they existed. he feels the weight of all that ink and paper on him at all times.
and yet, as Lavi sits next to Kanda as the wheel slowly turns, as he watches the light break upon his face, Kanda's neutral expression like he's not even interested or having fun, and yet just the fact he's not spitting mad or exasperated means so much -- he can only be grateful for that punishing memory of his, because it'll let him remember every stroke and detail of this moment. his absurdly long eyelashes, dark against his pale cheek. the shadow cast by his hand cut by the angle of his cheekbones. it'll let him carry Kanda with him, on this day and the next, forever and ever.
This is real nice. I like it a lot.]
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(Or is he? There is a lot that flies over his head. But there's a lot he notices, too. Lavi's all-seeing gaze on him so, so often, to the point where Kanda's grown to rely on him to provide the answers that Kanda won't, because he's sure Lavi's gleaned them somehow. The slips of the mask, the ones that prompted him to say I'd know if it was you. Lavi holding the full truth of him, from "birth" to "death," and breaking his own oath to protect it. Everything that's built up to this: Lavi being allowed in his space in ways no one else is, trusted in full, even though Kanda should be as suspicious of him as anyone else.
...But does it matter, if it's not something he'll ever address?)
Eventually, without turning his head to look:]
You're staring.
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He's always thought of their relationship in silences - ironic considering how often lavi talks away at kanda, constantly filling up the spaces with his words and his noise. but all that chatter is his own, whereas Kanda is always quiet in return. Kanda never falls into the trap of conversation, has never folded against the brunt of Lavi's false friendliness, has never expected anything, demanded, or asked Lavi to be anything. He's simply existed. this is someone who'll never see me, lavi had thought once, long ago, and he'd been relieved to meet someone so easy to get along with.
but now? he feels the itch beneath his skin, the trail leading deeper -- somewhere in that nonexistent heart that's slowly, quietly grown in all those silences. without being noticed or remarked upon, until now.]
I like looking at you.
[the words tumble out a little awkwardly, instead of his usual cheer. and he turns a little redder in response, feeling like an IDIOT, and thanking the god every exorcists hates that Kanda is still looking away... this is the only time he can be a bottom
I want to remember you like this.]
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LAYING ABOUT THE HEAT??????????
IT'S FINE IT'S FINE
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