[Anyway yeah he pulls out Mugen and stabs Lavi, perma-killing him forever
No okay he doesn't do that. In the beginning, before all of this, he would have--even after Alma, and even with everything that already existed between them, Kanda would have pulled away.
But that was two months ago. Before the sunrise and impossible choices and admissions of forbidden grief and desire. Before Lavi's mask had broken, piece by piece, until Kanda had no choice but to perceive the depths of Lavi's attachment to him. I want to be with you, Lavi had said--and with each passing day of separation, Kanda had been forced to admit, if only to himself, that he might want that too. For the first time since Alma, he's seen someone smile in the darkness, and known peace for it.
It's dangerous, and foolish, and the mere wanting has already caused Lavi so much grief and pain--but what could either of them have that wouldn't be steeped in suffering anyway?
He doesn't stab him. Instead, he rests an open palm on Lavi's chest--lingering for as many beats as it takes to remind Lavi that he has a heart, before he shoves him lightly back, just a little. He leaves his hand there as he searches Lavi's face, assessing.]
...This is the name you want?
[The records, the clan, his sense of identity--all of that is Lavi's to sort out. There's nothing Kanda can do for him there. But what he can do is this: hold onto the version of the person before him, regardless of who he might become. He can take the heart Lavi shouldn't have. (He doesn't have his own anyway.)]
[Lavi can't not feel his heart now, just like how he can't not feel Kanda's hand pressed against his chest, solid and warm, present and real. He's wanted to feel Kanda like this since he showed up as an apparition, since he died, no -- even longer. He doesn't know when Kanda will pull back and resume their usual distance, but he knows now that he doesn't want him to. He reaches up to press his hand over Kanda's, as if to keep him there.]
...Yeah.
[It's a simple, straightforward question, and yet -- also terrifying? But Lavi answers regardless, holding it out in exchange for Kanda's probing stare, trying to at least give him this -- honesty and the truth. Both things Lavi isn't used to giving, but he's found it less and less difficult to do over the years, and now these two months.
His lips curl into a smile, something cheeky and also a little shy,]
I wanna hear you say it.
[whether it's the usual nickname, or the one he has now. the one who knows Kanda, and thus, is the one he wants to keep.]
[I wish that could be a real tag but unfortunately Kanda doesn't know what cakeverse is
What he does know is that a good number of people here care a lot about his usage of their names. From Yuffie, who'd been annoyed by his dumb word choice, to Caelus, who'd taken it as a deeply personal slight. They've all ascribed so much meaning to what he says, regardless of what he does. And it's not like Kanda doesn't get it. He simply doesn't care.
He cares now, though. For Lavi, he cares.
He can't say it's not a little tempting to deny him anyway. There's a part of him that takes pleasure in being mean in little ways, on those rare occasions when he has both the time and inclination to mess around. He could lean back, say We can't always get what we want, Stupid Rabbit, or something along those lines. But Lavi's hand is warm over his, Lavi's heart still beating steadily against his palm. He thinks of everything Lavi has done for him, week after week after week in this miserable place. Everything he's doing right now, down to the curve of his smile, so very real for once. All of that matters so much more than his urge to bully.
Besides, it's not like this is some difficult request. Kanda knows exactly who he's been speaking to all along--who the man before him will always be, no matter what the future holds.
So, very simply:]
Lavi.
[Let it never be said that Kanda doesn't repay his debts.]
[It doesn't solve everything. It's not the magical answer to who he is and who he has to be. It's not a vow of love or the soft murmur of sweet words or even a crystal clear promise.
But it's there. It's present and real. More real than a line etched in ink, than the beginning and end of a record. He's never needed much to work with before -- so what else does he need at this very moment? What else does he need besides Yuu saying his name, going along with his whims for once? Lavi smiles back at Kanda again, the burst of happiness reflected in the curve of his mouth, his only visible eye, the swell of his emotions.
At any moment, he'll have to let go -- at any moment, they'll return to their usual, something Lavi doesn't really mind, because he's come to treasure that too.
So he really only has a moment to do something else he wants, which is to lean in and kiss Kanda again, less feather-light and more resolute, reminiscent of the way Lavi always likes to push his luck. If he had to pick and choose which parts of himself to keep, then he'd keep this, for as long as it brings him closer to the person sitting in front of him.]
[I just realized they never actually made it to the baths so they're both all gross THIS IS NOT ROMANTIC
But they're exorcists so whatever... Kanda "canonically walks into town covered in Akuma blood" certainly doesn't care. He's far more interested in the emotions he can sense from Lavi--Lavi, who is so much more expressive than he is, but so accustomed to his persona, so afraid of giving up the lies. Like this, Kanda doesn't have to wonder if he's looking at a mask. And he... well, okay, he wouldn't worry about his own attitude anyway, but it is nice to know that Lavi can feel all the things Kanda can't, or, won't, talk about. The affection, even wrapped in uncertainty as it is; the lack of discomfort over Lavi being in his space, beyond the trust shared between exorcists--bordering on contentment at having him near.
For two months, Kanda's hated every invasive element and effect native to this town. But just this once, he can appreciate it.
His attempts at kissing back are hesitant and awkward, but through the connection, it's clear that it isn't because of lingering hurt or anger, or even a lack of interest, though his is, unsurprisingly, much more lowkey than Lavi's (at least for now). There's just only so much he can know through hearsay, after all. AND HE ISN'T AN OTOME LIKE LUKE so he doesn't get any natural skill points. Luckily he also doesn't care that Lavi has kissed half the game... we're never going to know the answer to the jealousy question now that Lavi has permission to be even more obsessed than he already was]
[tempted to turn this into a bang thread where lavi tops to defy chat
THEY'RE REALLY DOING THIS ALL GROSS AND SWEATY!!!! But Lavi doesn't care either, even if there's still probably some dried blood on his face... He's too focused on Kanda, on the warmth of his breath and the shape of his lips and the pulse of his affection, uncertain and full of trust. Lavi's endeared by the way he's kissing him back, by the fact that he even is in the first place, and more. A thrill buzzes within him with every soft brush, no matter how hesitant or awkward. The joy of this moment feels nearly tangible. It is tangible, like a banked fire, building and building and building --
Yuu.
The thought forms and scatters, beating constantly in the background. There's want and affection of course -- but they're eclipsed quickly by the desire, with every swipe of tongue and soft nip of teeth. Lavi licks the bottom of Kanda's lip, half to tease and mostly to encourage. He's not so much pushing as he is getting lost in the rhythm of whatever pace Kanda wants to set, wildly satisfied and at the same time hungry for more. Yuu. Yuu. Yuu.
Hungry... and horny............... There is unfortunately So Much Horny, but at least it's being contained by how interesting Lavi finds Kanda's mouth right now??????]
[THEY CAN'T DO THAT WHERE STSG MIGHT WALK BY AND START TAKING BETS
But even though Kanda guards his space so viciously, and for all that he's shown zero interest in anyone until now, it's not because he has a blanket aversion to touch. Like an imperious cat, he decides who is allowed near him, and what they're permitted to do, and for precisely how long. Even Lavi, who gleefully toes the line so often, gets away with warning swipes; if Kanda had ever truly wanted him to stop for good, Lavi would have known it.
The same holds true now--Kanda is very sure that Lavi knows Kanda will end this when he wants to, that every passing moment is a conscious choice to keep kissing Lavi and bask in his affection. Lavi's desire spills through, a lesson in its own right for a man like Kanda. And maybe Kanda should be flattered that Lavi's want is unwaveringly strong even in the face of Kanda's inexperience, but he has no idea he should care about that... besides, Lavi knew what he was getting into. He gets no mercy points!!
But he can at least have Kanda's lips parting to let him in, even if it's mostly out of reflex. And he can have Kanda's fingers curling lightly into his shirt as Kanda relaxes just a little, coaxed into letting go of some of his ever-present tension. Lavi may be teasing and testing the waters with every hint of teeth and tongue, but he's also giving Kanda unspoken direction to do the same to him, and Kanda has no reason not to follow his lead. AT LEAST HE KNOWS NOT TO BITE TOO HARD he's not feral... mostly... but all bets are off once he gets used to this, so Lavi had better make sure he doesn't lose that scarf.
Unfortunately for Lavi, Kanda is not so easily swept up yet--not after a long day of god-killing, and especially not so soon after they'd decided to try... whatever this is. Kanda doesn't know the word for it. So while he's fine with making out for a little while, eventually he reaches up to grab Lavi's face and jerk him backward. SMUSHES HIS CHEEKS RUDELY]
Lavi looks back at him with his face in Kanda's loving grip, the hazy look in his eye fading away with every confused blink. The advantage(?) of emotion share is that Kanda can feel Lavi's horniness recede in real time... DOES IT DISAPPEAR ENTIRELY? NO.... but it does go down at a more manageable level -- giving precedence to his other emotions, which is just his bass boosted AFFECTION AND FONDNESS. Those aren't going away, unfortunately...
He curls his hand around Kanda's wrist to tug it down just a little,]
Sorry. [HE'S NOT SORRY AT ALL!!!!!
some of his stupidly mischievous energy fades, and he tilts his head to rest his face against Kanda's hand instead,]
...And thanks.
[for hearing him out, for staying with him, for surviving, for being here, for maybe every unsaid thing still beating away within his heart]
[HE CAN FEEL THAT YOU'RE NOT SORRY AND ALSO THAT YOU'RE STILL HORNY!!! But it's fine... from anyone else, such an onslaught of feelings would be overwhelming, something he knows from experience after being sensory-tied to Caelus in the middle of rejecting him. (Not that Caelus was projecting horniness back then, of course.) But he's long since grown desensitized to Lavi's over-the-top behavior, and this is close enough to familiar that it doesn't bother him. If anything, it's better than all of Lavi's cheesy shouts and energetic hugs, because Kanda can feel for himself that it's wholly genuine. And isn't that what he's always preferred?
He lets Lavi lean into his hand for a minute, simply sitting with how it feels to be able to touch him again. Kanda certainly isn't going to become clingy overnight--but they've been apart for so long, and they have no guarantee that they'll make it past tomorrow. This isn't the same as their separate missions, no matter how much Kanda has claimed otherwise.
Like before, his own feelings of affection and contentment are more mellow than Lavi's--but they're undeniably there, and he doesn't try to pretend otherwise. Surely he will take this moment to say something sweet and caring...]
Whatever. [KANDA.] Didn't you say you wanted to go somewhere?
[THIS "WHATEVER" IS SO FUNNY!!!!!! It's very Kanda and therefore endears Lavi even more to him, wow. the M is real... That and he's more interested in all the other ways Kanda is letting him in,]
I did? [DID HE????? so much for that bookman memory....
....he continues to sit with Kanda while holding his hand.]
[STOP HE'S NO LONGER HORNY HE'S JUST AFFECTIONATE!!! it's really this energy right now as Lavi cuddles closer.... uwah]
Let's take a quick nap...
[they really just did endgame for 9 hours straight my god. what he really wants to do is SLEEP but apparently everyone is GOING HOME TOMORROW so now he has to nap really quickly and then see everyone off for one last time.... but nap first.... nap? nap?? nap??]
[With his seal restored, even broken as it is, Kanda's not nearly as tired as he could be--but it occurs to him now that he doesn't know what Lavi was doing before they reunited. For all he knows, Lavi was battling monsters nonstop. (Or worse. Kanda knows very well how much this place can fuck with your head.)
He nudges Lavi off of him and gets to his feet, and though he lets go of Lavi's hand, he doesn't pull away.]
Come on.
[He might as well let Lavi take advantage of quiet and security for the few hours they've got it. They can go to his apartment, which just looks like his room at the Order, broken window and lotus in the corner and all. The only difference is the screen that reflects the living side. It is perhaps very mean of him to make Lavi sleep with him literally right after forcing him to calm down but Kanda would not care about that even if he knew,,,]
[THIS WOULD BE SO MEAN IF LAVI DIDN'T KNOW KANDA!!! Maybe it is still a little mean, but Lavi's curiosity wins over -- LIKE ALWAYS -- as he uses a couple of precious minutes scoping out Kanda's room, feeling nostalgic.
He tugs off his scarf and coat and boots and whatever the fck those leg warmers he's wearing are and then sits on the edge of Kanda's bed, eye flicking to the only objecet in this room that's not from the Order.]
So that's how you've been watching us.
[DOES EVERYONE GET A TV IN THEIR ROOM OR DID KANDA SPECIFICALLY REQUEST ONE]
[NOT HIS LEG WARMERS HELP!! I guess Kanda will take his coat off finally and just dump it on the floor in the corner until they're ready to go wash their clothes. Thankfully he keeps it buttoned up so everything underneath is clean and he's not getting zombie guts on the bed.]
Mm. There are screens all over.
[HE DIDN'T REQUEST IT the rooms reflect the residents and sensed his desire to watch the living... luckily the Order has flatscreen technology so his manifested with a screen, but he would've just taken one from Costco for himself even if it hadn't. Not that he would ever admit that.]
[so he did request it..... Lavi internally debates taking off his pants for like half a second, but maybe he is very aware of how they're finally alone in a place that has a LOCK on it and decides that maybe he should just keep them on.......... it's fine IT'S FINE he can fall asleep in his uniform he's done it 5000 times before,
ANYWAY!!! he scoots over and pats the space on the bed next to him,]
The way there's nowhere else to sit in here so Kanda would have to be on the bed even if he didn't want to. Fortunately he does... he will sit on the bed and stretch his legs out, leaning back against the wall.]
How much time do you want? [So he knows when to wake Lavi up]
Lavi takes this as his cue to also get comfy, lying down and stretching out to his ridiculous height. He feels the exhaustion hit the moment he's horizontal. Good thing horny isn't happening tonight what if Lavi just FELL ASLEEP DURING IT....]
Just half an hour... [mumbling, but also he blinks up at Kanda] You're not gonna sleep?
[As if Lavi's not going to wake up and immediately want to make out some more
Blinks down at him. Is that what he wanted?]
We're not that safe yet. [Well. No. Technically they are the most safe they have ever been because there are no enemies here that only exorcists can deal with... but he got used to sleeping in shifts so that didn't occur to him until just now]
He's quiet for a minute, reluctant with paranoia--but the combination of effects, exhaustion, and his own desire to be close wins out. He sighs, but he scoots down until he's lying down beside Lavi. Whether he'll actually doze off or not is up in the air, but at least he gave in.]
Lavi lies back down at the same time, shifting so that he's on his side and facing Kanda. Both his expression and emotions are pleased, touched that Kanda is once again going along with what Lavi wants. It makes him want to stay awake just to soak up this moment, being with Kanda again after all those weeks of separation. He doesn't have to wonder about what Kanda is doing or thinking, or whether he's thinking of Lavi at all. If he's upset that they're still separated or if he's grimly accepted that distance.
Now the only distance remaining is the slim space between them on the bed, and Lavi shifts closer as if to make up for it. He doesn't reach out to touch Kanda, as tempted as he is. He just moves a little closer, so that the line of their bodies are pressed next to each other, marveling again at being able to touch and feel heat instead of a chill.
I missed this.
The touching, the tangibility. The quiet moment of shared intimacy, and the space for vulnerability... and the chance to just let go. To shed some of the weight accumulated from this past week -- months, to stop trying to shoulder everything on his own. It's not so much that he thinks Kanda will pick up those burdens for him -- but that he knows that the other won't judge him for wanting to let them go.
He thinks of falling and curls closer as if to ward off the sensation, distracting himself by looking at Kanda instead. At his newly formed ear, the strands of his now silky and smooth hair, the cord pulling it all up from his face. At how his chest rises and and falls with every breath -- that's important, very important. If only he could burn this image of Kanda over all the rest, but memories never work that way. But maybe he could still try?]
Yuu.
[he says the name half because he wants to, and half because he wants Kanda to look at him directly,]
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No okay he doesn't do that. In the beginning, before all of this, he would have--even after Alma, and even with everything that already existed between them, Kanda would have pulled away.
But that was two months ago. Before the sunrise and impossible choices and admissions of forbidden grief and desire. Before Lavi's mask had broken, piece by piece, until Kanda had no choice but to perceive the depths of Lavi's attachment to him. I want to be with you, Lavi had said--and with each passing day of separation, Kanda had been forced to admit, if only to himself, that he might want that too. For the first time since Alma, he's seen someone smile in the darkness, and known peace for it.
It's dangerous, and foolish, and the mere wanting has already caused Lavi so much grief and pain--but what could either of them have that wouldn't be steeped in suffering anyway?
He doesn't stab him. Instead, he rests an open palm on Lavi's chest--lingering for as many beats as it takes to remind Lavi that he has a heart, before he shoves him lightly back, just a little. He leaves his hand there as he searches Lavi's face, assessing.]
...This is the name you want?
[The records, the clan, his sense of identity--all of that is Lavi's to sort out. There's nothing Kanda can do for him there. But what he can do is this: hold onto the version of the person before him, regardless of who he might become. He can take the heart Lavi shouldn't have. (He doesn't have his own anyway.)]
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...Yeah.
[It's a simple, straightforward question, and yet -- also terrifying? But Lavi answers regardless, holding it out in exchange for Kanda's probing stare, trying to at least give him this -- honesty and the truth. Both things Lavi isn't used to giving, but he's found it less and less difficult to do over the years, and now these two months.
His lips curl into a smile, something cheeky and also a little shy,]
I wanna hear you say it.
[whether it's the usual nickname, or the one he has now. the one who knows Kanda, and thus, is the one he wants to keep.]
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What he does know is that a good number of people here care a lot about his usage of their names. From Yuffie, who'd been annoyed by his dumb word choice, to Caelus, who'd taken it as a deeply personal slight. They've all ascribed so much meaning to what he says, regardless of what he does. And it's not like Kanda doesn't get it. He simply doesn't care.
He cares now, though. For Lavi, he cares.
He can't say it's not a little tempting to deny him anyway. There's a part of him that takes pleasure in being mean in little ways, on those rare occasions when he has both the time and inclination to mess around. He could lean back, say We can't always get what we want, Stupid Rabbit, or something along those lines. But Lavi's hand is warm over his, Lavi's heart still beating steadily against his palm. He thinks of everything Lavi has done for him, week after week after week in this miserable place. Everything he's doing right now, down to the curve of his smile, so very real for once. All of that matters so much more than his urge to bully.
Besides, it's not like this is some difficult request. Kanda knows exactly who he's been speaking to all along--who the man before him will always be, no matter what the future holds.
So, very simply:]
Lavi.
[Let it never be said that Kanda doesn't repay his debts.]
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But it's there. It's present and real. More real than a line etched in ink, than the beginning and end of a record. He's never needed much to work with before -- so what else does he need at this very moment? What else does he need besides Yuu saying his name, going along with his whims for once? Lavi smiles back at Kanda again, the burst of happiness reflected in the curve of his mouth, his only visible eye, the swell of his emotions.
At any moment, he'll have to let go -- at any moment, they'll return to their usual, something Lavi doesn't really mind, because he's come to treasure that too.
So he really only has a moment to do something else he wants, which is to lean in and kiss Kanda again, less feather-light and more resolute, reminiscent of the way Lavi always likes to push his luck. If he had to pick and choose which parts of himself to keep, then he'd keep this, for as long as it brings him closer to the person sitting in front of him.]
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But they're exorcists so whatever... Kanda "canonically walks into town covered in Akuma blood" certainly doesn't care. He's far more interested in the emotions he can sense from Lavi--Lavi, who is so much more expressive than he is, but so accustomed to his persona, so afraid of giving up the lies. Like this, Kanda doesn't have to wonder if he's looking at a mask. And he... well, okay, he wouldn't worry about his own attitude anyway, but it is nice to know that Lavi can feel all the things Kanda can't, or, won't, talk about. The affection, even wrapped in uncertainty as it is; the lack of discomfort over Lavi being in his space, beyond the trust shared between exorcists--bordering on contentment at having him near.
For two months, Kanda's hated every invasive element and effect native to this town. But just this once, he can appreciate it.
His attempts at kissing back are hesitant and awkward, but through the connection, it's clear that it isn't because of lingering hurt or anger, or even a lack of interest, though his is, unsurprisingly, much more lowkey than Lavi's (at least for now). There's just only so much he can know through hearsay, after all. AND HE ISN'T AN OTOME LIKE LUKE so he doesn't get any natural skill points. Luckily he also doesn't care that Lavi has kissed half the game... we're never going to know the answer to the jealousy question now that Lavi has permission to be even more obsessed than he already was]
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THEY'RE REALLY DOING THIS ALL GROSS AND SWEATY!!!! But Lavi doesn't care either, even if there's still probably some dried blood on his face... He's too focused on Kanda, on the warmth of his breath and the shape of his lips and the pulse of his affection, uncertain and full of trust. Lavi's endeared by the way he's kissing him back, by the fact that he even is in the first place, and more. A thrill buzzes within him with every soft brush, no matter how hesitant or awkward. The joy of this moment feels nearly tangible. It is tangible, like a banked fire, building and building and building --
Yuu.
The thought forms and scatters, beating constantly in the background. There's want and affection of course -- but they're eclipsed quickly by the desire, with every swipe of tongue and soft nip of teeth. Lavi licks the bottom of Kanda's lip, half to tease and mostly to encourage. He's not so much pushing as he is getting lost in the rhythm of whatever pace Kanda wants to set, wildly satisfied and at the same time hungry for more. Yuu. Yuu. Yuu.
Hungry... and horny............... There is unfortunately So Much Horny, but at least it's being contained by how interesting Lavi finds Kanda's mouth right now??????]
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But even though Kanda guards his space so viciously, and for all that he's shown zero interest in anyone until now, it's not because he has a blanket aversion to touch. Like an imperious cat, he decides who is allowed near him, and what they're permitted to do, and for precisely how long. Even Lavi, who gleefully toes the line so often, gets away with warning swipes; if Kanda had ever truly wanted him to stop for good, Lavi would have known it.
The same holds true now--Kanda is very sure that Lavi knows Kanda will end this when he wants to, that every passing moment is a conscious choice to keep kissing Lavi and bask in his affection. Lavi's desire spills through, a lesson in its own right for a man like Kanda. And maybe Kanda should be flattered that Lavi's want is unwaveringly strong even in the face of Kanda's inexperience, but he has no idea he should care about that... besides, Lavi knew what he was getting into. He gets no mercy points!!
But he can at least have Kanda's lips parting to let him in, even if it's mostly out of reflex. And he can have Kanda's fingers curling lightly into his shirt as Kanda relaxes just a little, coaxed into letting go of some of his ever-present tension. Lavi may be teasing and testing the waters with every hint of teeth and tongue, but he's also giving Kanda unspoken direction to do the same to him, and Kanda has no reason not to follow his lead. AT LEAST HE KNOWS NOT TO BITE TOO HARD he's not feral... mostly... but all bets are off once he gets used to this, so Lavi had better make sure he doesn't lose that scarf.
Unfortunately for Lavi, Kanda is not so easily swept up yet--not after a long day of god-killing, and especially not so soon after they'd decided to try... whatever this is. Kanda doesn't know the word for it. So while he's fine with making out for a little while, eventually he reaches up to grab Lavi's face and jerk him backward. SMUSHES HIS CHEEKS RUDELY]
Don't get ahead of yourself, Stupid Rabbit.
[CALM THY HORNY SELF]
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Lavi looks back at him with his face in Kanda's loving grip, the hazy look in his eye fading away with every confused blink. The advantage(?) of emotion share is that Kanda can feel Lavi's horniness recede in real time... DOES IT DISAPPEAR ENTIRELY? NO.... but it does go down at a more manageable level -- giving precedence to his other emotions, which is just his bass boosted AFFECTION AND FONDNESS. Those aren't going away, unfortunately...
He curls his hand around Kanda's wrist to tug it down just a little,]
Sorry. [HE'S NOT SORRY AT ALL!!!!!
some of his stupidly mischievous energy fades, and he tilts his head to rest his face against Kanda's hand instead,]
...And thanks.
[for hearing him out, for staying with him, for surviving, for being here, for maybe every unsaid thing still beating away within his heart]
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He lets Lavi lean into his hand for a minute, simply sitting with how it feels to be able to touch him again. Kanda certainly isn't going to become clingy overnight--but they've been apart for so long, and they have no guarantee that they'll make it past tomorrow. This isn't the same as their separate missions, no matter how much Kanda has claimed otherwise.
Like before, his own feelings of affection and contentment are more mellow than Lavi's--but they're undeniably there, and he doesn't try to pretend otherwise. Surely he will take this moment to say something sweet and caring...]
Whatever. [KANDA.] Didn't you say you wanted to go somewhere?
[LISTEN... he'll get there eventually.]
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I did? [DID HE????? so much for that bookman memory....
....he continues to sit with Kanda while holding his hand.]
We can go later.
[THEY CAN HANG OUT WITH THE JJKS LATER.........]
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Sits here trying to decide if he wants to stay or not]
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Let's take a quick nap...
[they really just did endgame for 9 hours straight my god. what he really wants to do is SLEEP but apparently everyone is GOING HOME TOMORROW so now he has to nap really quickly and then see everyone off for one last time.... but nap first.... nap? nap?? nap??]
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He nudges Lavi off of him and gets to his feet, and though he lets go of Lavi's hand, he doesn't pull away.]
Come on.
[He might as well let Lavi take advantage of quiet and security for the few hours they've got it. They can go to his apartment, which just looks like his room at the Order, broken window and lotus in the corner and all. The only difference is the screen that reflects the living side. It is perhaps very mean of him to make Lavi sleep with him literally right after forcing him to calm down but Kanda would not care about that even if he knew,,,]
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He tugs off his scarf and coat and boots and whatever the fck those leg warmers he's wearing are and then sits on the edge of Kanda's bed, eye flicking to the only objecet in this room that's not from the Order.]
So that's how you've been watching us.
[DOES EVERYONE GET A TV IN THEIR ROOM OR DID KANDA SPECIFICALLY REQUEST ONE]
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Mm. There are screens all over.
[HE DIDN'T REQUEST IT the rooms reflect the residents and sensed his desire to watch the living... luckily the Order has flatscreen technology so his manifested with a screen, but he would've just taken one from Costco for himself even if it hadn't. Not that he would ever admit that.]
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[so he did request it..... Lavi internally debates taking off his pants for like half a second, but maybe he is very aware of how they're finally alone in a place that has a LOCK on it and decides that maybe he should just keep them on.......... it's fine IT'S FINE he can fall asleep in his uniform he's done it 5000 times before,
ANYWAY!!! he scoots over and pats the space on the bed next to him,]
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[HE DID NOT!!!
The way there's nowhere else to sit in here so Kanda would have to be on the bed even if he didn't want to. Fortunately he does... he will sit on the bed and stretch his legs out, leaning back against the wall.]
How much time do you want? [So he knows when to wake Lavi up]
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Lavi takes this as his cue to also get comfy, lying down and stretching out to his ridiculous height. He feels the exhaustion hit the moment he's horizontal. Good thing horny isn't happening tonight what if Lavi just FELL ASLEEP DURING IT....]
Just half an hour... [mumbling, but also he blinks up at Kanda] You're not gonna sleep?
[:( THEIR NAP TIME.... TOGETHER]
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Blinks down at him. Is that what he wanted?]
We're not that safe yet. [Well. No. Technically they are the most safe they have ever been because there are no enemies here that only exorcists can deal with... but he got used to sleeping in shifts so that didn't occur to him until just now]
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Lavi props himself up on his elbows, still looking up at Kanda. He understands his caution of course, but also? consider that it's endgame?]
We are. [FIRMLY] We're the safest we've been since we got here.
[HE DIDN'T RUN THROUGH THAT RITUAL FOR NOTHING!!! he tugs off his headband, letting his swoopy hair flop into his eyes]
Just lie down.
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He's quiet for a minute, reluctant with paranoia--but the combination of effects, exhaustion, and his own desire to be close wins out. He sighs, but he scoots down until he's lying down beside Lavi. Whether he'll actually doze off or not is up in the air, but at least he gave in.]
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Lavi lies back down at the same time, shifting so that he's on his side and facing Kanda. Both his expression and emotions are pleased, touched that Kanda is once again going along with what Lavi wants. It makes him want to stay awake just to soak up this moment, being with Kanda again after all those weeks of separation. He doesn't have to wonder about what Kanda is doing or thinking, or whether he's thinking of Lavi at all. If he's upset that they're still separated or if he's grimly accepted that distance.
Now the only distance remaining is the slim space between them on the bed, and Lavi shifts closer as if to make up for it. He doesn't reach out to touch Kanda, as tempted as he is. He just moves a little closer, so that the line of their bodies are pressed next to each other, marveling again at being able to touch and feel heat instead of a chill.
I missed this.
The touching, the tangibility. The quiet moment of shared intimacy, and the space for vulnerability... and the chance to just let go. To shed some of the weight accumulated from this past week -- months, to stop trying to shoulder everything on his own. It's not so much that he thinks Kanda will pick up those burdens for him -- but that he knows that the other won't judge him for wanting to let them go.
He thinks of falling and curls closer as if to ward off the sensation, distracting himself by looking at Kanda instead. At his newly formed ear, the strands of his now silky and smooth hair, the cord pulling it all up from his face. At how his chest rises and and falls with every breath -- that's important, very important. If only he could burn this image of Kanda over all the rest, but memories never work that way. But maybe he could still try?]
Yuu.
[he says the name half because he wants to, and half because he wants Kanda to look at him directly,]
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