[Coin flip says Kanda continues to tolerate this, but the tradeoff is that he won't cutely hold Lavi's hand it's just hanging there and getting sandwiched as Kanda weighs the costs and benefits of punching Lavi into the pyre and possibly losing his blanket in the process]
I know, Stupid Rabbit. I've been dealing with you all day.
[DON'T PUNCH HIM INTO THE PYRE EVEN IF HIS COAT IS FIRE PROOF]
Sorry 'bout that.
[there's a difference between forcibly bothering kanda all day vs accidentally bothering kanda all day... there's a fine line there that Lavi tries his best to squiggle around in, but for once he hadn't ACTUALLY meant to bother Kanda, nor is he trying to pretend that this was an on purpose accident.......]
Whatever. [The way a normal person would say "it's fine, it wasn't your fault and you were actually pretty cute" but here we are.
But--despite all the pushing away Kanda does, he pays attention. His life would be easier, in fact, if he truly hated or dismissed every single person, even the ones that persevere and stick around him anyway. And yet, no matter how hard he tries, no matter how genuine he is in his attempts at solitude, Kanda simply cannot stop himself from forming attachments. He is, unfortunately, too human for true isolation.
Between that, and the curiosity that he feels far more of than he shows, it's no wonder that his thoughts are leaking out. Why was he so sure Bookman left him...?]
[if kanda said that it was fine and that he was cute then lavi would get so scared which would be so funny
instead, he remains pressed close to Kanda's side, sharing this blanket while still holding Kanda's hand between his, determined to look anywhere but at Kanda -- except he hears his thoughts, which makes him look over -- it only takes a second for him to realize that it was a thought and not an actual question, but he's so surprised by it that he answers anyway?]
...When I was a kid, I got involved between a bunch of soldiers and civilians. Gramps said not to, but I did anyway -- and I got shot. Gramps got me out, but everyone else there died.
If I waited, then maybe we could have helped whoever survived. But instead I lost control. He was seriously pissed off then... First time I saw him get so mad.
[God I wish Kanda was cursed with a "be nice" curse instead of a "be happy curse" THAT WOULD'VE BEEN EVEN SCARIER
Likewise, he isn't expecting a response to his thoughts; he's still wondering if it's worth the effort to shove Lavi off of him, even though the longer they sit like this, the warmer and more comfortable he feels. It's partly the effect of the pyre, he knows, but it's enough to balance out his constant desire for space, at least for a little longer.
So the answer is a surprise, but what Lavi actually says... he thinks about Lavi saying I could be lying, you know, but--]
[He's not sure what to expect from Kanda -- maybe nothing at all, just his usual quiet silence as they both look into the pyre, shoulder to shoulder, hand in hand.]
I guess I do still keep making mistakes.
[the mopeyness is real when Lavi assumes that what Kanda means, damn]
[turns so that they're both lying on the ground this time, but Kanda's closer to the pyre. and then he pulls off his scarf to drape over Kanda's head. there, the ic reason why Kanda STOLE IT from Lavi]
[For a second I thought Lavi was holding him in his arms with the scarf over both their heads to hide them but I've realized Lavi just scarf'd him like when you put a blanket over a birdcage. Less romantic than initially envisioned
HOW TIGHTLY IS HE BEING HELD AT LEAST GET IT OFF HIS FACE SO HE CAN TALK AND BREATHE but yes he'll borrow this for a while thank you]
Tch. You kept thinking you could fight off strangers even though you didn't have any weapons. [Granted he knows Bookman and Lavi can fight hand-to-hand very well BUT STILL. U DUMB BABY CARROT
[STOP he's not holding him too tightly because he knows it'll trigger Kanda's rage response, and he moves to shift the blanket so that it's not on Kanda's face, but on the side of his head instead.... a little scarf tent,]
It's easy to fight an adult when they put you on their shoulders.
[all their soft fleshy bits are so close to shove a thumb in....]
Except you tucked me under your arm like I was a suitcase! I should have been scared, but for some reason I didn't mind it... I felt like I could trust you.
Meanwhile Kanda is contemplating murdering him for this but he's shivering too much to be able to whack him with Mugen effectively]
I should've dropped you.
[HE'S JUST BEING GROUCHY NOW
I wish he realized how insane and concerning it is for a baby to think these things but he obviously fucking doesn't. The only thing really lingering in his mind is Lavi's perception of Bookman, honestly--and maybe he'll bring it up again in a bit, but for now he's just suffering the indignity of being cocooned]
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Don't just sit here thinking that?!
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I can't help what I think!! You are! Wait no, he just coughs a little and looks away,]
I was just surprised.
[he makes no move to sidle out from the blanket or let go of Kanda's hand... which he is rubbing between both of his now, a little absent-mindedly,]
I was super short a second ago, remember?
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I know, Stupid Rabbit. I've been dealing with you all day.
[No one asked you to do that Kanda]
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Sorry 'bout that.
[there's a difference between forcibly bothering kanda all day vs accidentally bothering kanda all day... there's a fine line there that Lavi tries his best to squiggle around in, but for once he hadn't ACTUALLY meant to bother Kanda, nor is he trying to pretend that this was an on purpose accident.......]
...And thanks.
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Whatever. [The way a normal person would say "it's fine, it wasn't your fault and you were actually pretty cute" but here we are.
But--despite all the pushing away Kanda does, he pays attention. His life would be easier, in fact, if he truly hated or dismissed every single person, even the ones that persevere and stick around him anyway. And yet, no matter how hard he tries, no matter how genuine he is in his attempts at solitude, Kanda simply cannot stop himself from forming attachments. He is, unfortunately, too human for true isolation.
Between that, and the curiosity that he feels far more of than he shows, it's no wonder that his thoughts are leaking out. Why was he so sure Bookman left him...?]
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instead, he remains pressed close to Kanda's side, sharing this blanket while still holding Kanda's hand between his, determined to look anywhere but at Kanda -- except he hears his thoughts, which makes him look over -- it only takes a second for him to realize that it was a thought and not an actual question, but he's so surprised by it that he answers anyway?]
...When I was a kid, I got involved between a bunch of soldiers and civilians. Gramps said not to, but I did anyway -- and I got shot. Gramps got me out, but everyone else there died.
If I waited, then maybe we could have helped whoever survived. But instead I lost control. He was seriously pissed off then... First time I saw him get so mad.
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Likewise, he isn't expecting a response to his thoughts; he's still wondering if it's worth the effort to shove Lavi off of him, even though the longer they sit like this, the warmer and more comfortable he feels. It's partly the effect of the pyre, he knows, but it's enough to balance out his constant desire for space, at least for a little longer.
So the answer is a surprise, but what Lavi actually says... he thinks about Lavi saying I could be lying, you know, but--]
...Sounds like you.
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I guess I do still keep making mistakes.
[the mopeyness is real when Lavi assumes that what Kanda means, damn]
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Shut up.
[That's not what I meant, stupid.]
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[Huh?]
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[That I always get involved?]
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-- Ack!!
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Except Kanda's not :flushed: he just falls on Lavi like an idiot since he didn't think this through]
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except that's only after Lavi lets out another OOF when Kanda lands on him......]
You're super cold!
[HUGS HIM, UWAH]
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Stupid Rabbit--!!!
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I'm warming you up! It's the least I can do for ya, after you took care of me all day.
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[YOU COCOON KANDA?? YOU TRAP HIM LIKE FUSSY CAT??? OH!! OH!!! JAIL FOR LAVI!!! JAIL FOR LAVI FOR 1000 YEARS!!!!]
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[STOP SHOUTING YOU'LL FCK UP YOUR TB LUNGS]
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[turns so that they're both lying on the ground this time, but Kanda's closer to the pyre. and then he pulls off his scarf to drape over Kanda's head. there, the ic reason why Kanda STOLE IT from Lavi]
I really dragged you around the whole day.
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HOW TIGHTLY IS HE BEING HELD AT LEAST GET IT OFF HIS FACE SO HE CAN TALK AND BREATHE but yes he'll borrow this for a while thank you]
Tch. You kept thinking you could fight off strangers even though you didn't have any weapons. [Granted he knows Bookman and Lavi can fight hand-to-hand very well BUT STILL. U DUMB BABY CARROT
He was less annoying than Ball Head Brat.]
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It's easy to fight an adult when they put you on their shoulders.
[all their soft fleshy bits are so close to shove a thumb in....]
Except you tucked me under your arm like I was a suitcase! I should have been scared, but for some reason I didn't mind it... I felt like I could trust you.
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Meanwhile Kanda is contemplating murdering him for this but he's shivering too much to be able to whack him with Mugen effectively]
I should've dropped you.
[HE'S JUST BEING GROUCHY NOW
I wish he realized how insane and concerning it is for a baby to think these things but he obviously fucking doesn't. The only thing really lingering in his mind is Lavi's perception of Bookman, honestly--and maybe he'll bring it up again in a bit, but for now he's just suffering the indignity of being cocooned]
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