bookpapers: (:D? :D???)
Bookman Junior | "lavi" ([personal profile] bookpapers) wrote2024-06-07 07:50 pm
sixillusions: (kanda83)

[personal profile] sixillusions 2024-07-25 12:18 am (UTC)(link)
[STARES AT HIM LIKE THIS IS THE DUMBEST THING HE'S EVER HEARD]
sixillusions: (kanda27)

[personal profile] sixillusions 2024-07-25 12:28 am (UTC)(link)
I should hit you again. [TCH] Not for that, dumbass.
sixillusions: (kanda48)

[personal profile] sixillusions 2024-07-25 01:01 am (UTC)(link)
For getting your stupid ass kicked over and over!

[Not that he CARES about your WELL-BEING or anything tch]
sixillusions: (kanda27)

[personal profile] sixillusions 2024-07-25 01:50 am (UTC)(link)
I know that.

[He knows Lavi is stronger than he leads most people to believe--that he's resilient, both in battle and in spirit, in ways that Kanda's always been able to recognize, even if he's never said it to Lavi himself. But hadn't he said it to others? Wasn't he the one telling them not to worry, that Lavi would be fine?

...But still. It's different here. When they don't have access to their true strength, when they have no clue what the monsters around them are capable of.

(When he's too far away to do anything about it, and yelling through paper isn't enough.)]
sixillusions: (kanda25)

[personal profile] sixillusions 2024-07-25 05:35 am (UTC)(link)
[Looks at him sidelong. Considers what to say for a minute. He's so limited in what he can talk about, but... it doesn't really matter for this, does it?]

...You know why.

[Lavi's smart; surely he must understand why Kanda would prefer to leave his body alone for a while, regardless of what they may or may not have at their disposal.]
sixillusions: (kanda1)

[personal profile] sixillusions 2024-07-25 06:19 am (UTC)(link)
[...

He reaches over again, butting the heel of his palm against the side of Lavi's head. This one doesn't connect, but at least(?) he'll get to feel a chill.

More quietly:]


Talk about something else.

[They're not here for long. He doesn't want to waste time blipping in and out of existence over questions he can't answer.]
sixillusions: (kanda22)

[personal profile] sixillusions 2024-07-25 06:57 am (UTC)(link)
[It's not terribly rare for Kanda to look surprised, but it's unusual enough that this reaction makes it obvious he hadn't known.

He doesn't answer right away, swallowing back his first responses, the ones that would surely have him vanishing again.]


...Why?

[He thinks he can guess, but--he needs to hear it. Lavi needs to say it.

Sure, the risk is probably lower now--so many casualties likely means a number of people without partners. And Lavi is well loved, here. Kanda doesn't need to pay attention to all the romance shenanigans to see that. If something happens, the others will look out for him.

...Still. The thought of Lavi's soul being tied to another person, on top of his monster? He doesn't like it. Despite everything, it's not what he wanted to hear.]
sixillusions: (kanda42)

[personal profile] sixillusions 2024-07-25 08:14 am (UTC)(link)
[That's--not what he expected at all, actually. In fact, it hadn't even occurred to him to consider that possibility. He'd been prepared to hear something like I stepped in to save someone or I was begged by someone I just couldn't say no to. Things that would've been... frustrating, maybe a little bit infuriating, but not necessarily surprising. Lavi cares when he shouldn't, after all. He always has.

And this is... proof of that, too, in a way, but it's not--he'd never--

If he looked surprised before, he's stunned into silence now. It's not emotionshare anymore, but it wouldn't matter even if it was, because his heart can't settle, he can't decide how to feel--whether he should be furious or touched or something else entirely.

Being angry is easy, so naturally, he lashes out first, though his shock colors his tone, making him sound more agitated than pissed off.]


Stupid--you risked your damn life for that?
sixillusions: (kanda65)

[personal profile] sixillusions 2024-07-25 11:28 pm (UTC)(link)
And you think I want to--

[accept this, but he can't say that, can he? Not after--

--but does that matter? Especially now? Why should Kanda care about being fair or logical? He doesn't, not when Lavi is right here saying for you with so much more emotion than he's supposed to have.

He cuts himself off, frustrated.]


Tell me who.

[Who Lavi partnered with--who he's tied to, now, in these final hours before it could all go to shit.]
sixillusions: (kanda28)

[personal profile] sixillusions 2024-07-26 12:52 am (UTC)(link)
[Lavi says it like it's a betrayal, and maybe Kanda should see it that way too. Maybe it should feel like Allen being a Noah, or Suman Falling--or like waking up on a cold table with fractured memories of love and death and that hateful blue sky filtering through his mind.

But all he can think of is:]


How are you still--?

[He remembers someone else checking in on him, asking if he was worried about Lavi. The way he'd had to admit that he didn't know if Lavi had partnered up or not, whether he was in danger or not--but he'd thought it would be a product of Lavi's insatiable curiosity, not that he'd--

But hadn't the rulebook said that partners would die? So how is Lavi still on this side?]
sixillusions: (kanda55)

[personal profile] sixillusions 2024-07-26 03:07 am (UTC)(link)
[HE REALLY SAID WIDOW

He blinks, momentarily distracted.]


So she was still--

[Bound to a monster? It was even more of a waste of time than they'd thought?

Any other time, this would take his full attention. He's always so focused on missions, after all, and this might as well be one. He should be furious with the four who resurrected her all over again, spiteful in being proven right.

But honestly--right now, he can't find it in himself to care. Not beyond what it means for Lavi.

He digs his nails into his palms and crosses his arms over his chest, looking away.]


Idiot. [He probably shouldn't be mad, really, not after some of the things he'd said. But he is, and not even for the "right" reasons, the ones that Lavi is afraid of. Except, he's terrible with words. Even if he could say everything he wanted to, he wouldn't know how. There are too many contradictions to contend with, too many things he doesn't have the time to untangle.] ...Don't waste it.

[If he blows his wish on something sappy and emotional, Kanda will come back from the dead just to kick his ass.]
sixillusions: (kanda27)

[personal profile] sixillusions 2024-07-27 07:44 am (UTC)(link)
[...It's ultimately Lavi's choice, of course. Kanda doesn't say that, because he's sure he doesn't need to; Lavi will do what he wants if he doesn't like Kanda's opinions.

He opens his mouth, then pauses, and closes it again. He's quiet for a long time--not quite hesitant, but something like it.]


Use it to get the old man back to the Order. [.......] I'll cover for you, if you don't want to go straight back.

[It's not like him to be optimstic--but he is stubborn when he wants to be. It's not naivete to reject the idea of Lavi failing to make it out of here and back home. It's simply Kanda doing what he wants, spitting on fate the way he always has. If Kanda can beat the odds time and time and time again, then Lavi can too, just this once. He's more human than Kanda will ever be, but he deserves this, even if it's in defiance of God.

And he deserves... freedom, if he wants it. Kanda doesn't even know if Lavi could stay away for very long, if his Innocence would threaten him right back into piety after a week or two--but it would be something. A breather. A chance to see the world and its people without thinking too hard about how much he's not allowed to love them.

Kanda did what he could for Allen. That debt is repaid. (I̴s̷n̴'̸t̷ ̵i̶t̴?̷) And this is hardly the same thing. Lavi helped avenge him, kind of, but--it was peace for Kate more than anything else. Kanda hadn't had any idea Lavi was tearing himself apart over the case like that; if he'd known, he would've written and told him to knock it off.

Maybe it's a little bit of regret, even so. It's the number 49 and they should all just die and sometimes I think there's no going back--but more than anything, it's knowing what freedom feels like. Wanting someone else to know it. Someone as chained to duty as he once was, who has granted him moments of respite and feelings of safety when there were none to be found otherwise--someone who trusted him with honesty long before this place pried greater truths out of them.

He doubts Lavi would vanish forever. They're too alike in that way, though Kanda thinks Bookman cares for Lavi far more than the Order has ever cared for him. Maybe that's better, or worse. He doesn't know. But that's part of the reason he's saying this in the first place. Kanda does what he can for the people he cares about, but he's not selfless enough to let them go if he doesn't have to.

Maybe Lavi will brush the whole thing off entirely. Kanda probably should've waited to mention this, even though it's been turning in his head for a while. But Kanda, despite all the demands he's made, has no way of knowing if they'll ever speak face to face again. He can't even begin to ask. But he doesn't want to put it in a letter that anyone could read, so he puts the offer on the table now.]

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