With the way his gaze drops to the back of his hand, it's clear he's noticed that, at least, even if he wasn't prepared to hear those words from Lavi.
Logically, he knows it's not like Lavi can't just ask around once they're back at the Order. It's not even like Kanda would have to give him a particularly personal answer, here; saying "another Second Exorcist" doesn't even scratch the surface of what they were to each other, after all. Besides, Kanda's been owned by the Order for as long as he can remember. His identity as a Second Exorcist has never been a secret, so much as yet another personal thing Kanda doesn't discuss. It was never Kanda's choice to bury the Order's sins under rubble and black ink. He simply never shared Alma's deep desire to burn it to the ground with his own hands, so there was no need to spread it around.
And--as far as Kanda's concerned, Alma has always been his, in a way the Order couldn't touch. The Order's shame-filled erasure of their catastrophic failures only reinforced that feeling, especially when Kanda knew no other way to cope than to shut it all away in the deepest recesses of his heart. And even though it all came to light so publicly, that only makes him want to hold on more tightly right now, when he has the freedom to choose silence.
There's a flash of grief in his eyes before he looks away again, resuming the movements he was doing before.]
That's not your business.
[His tone is terse, and his voice is a little rough--but the anger there isn't directed at Lavi for asking, so much as the magic that put Alma's name on him to begin with.]
[Lavi watches. The brief pause before Kanda's answer, the look in his eyes. Grief is such a familiar thing, there's no one in the world who doesn't feel regret or sadness, and he knows Kanda is capable of it the same way he knows Kanda is capable of kindness -- but there's a difference between being capable of something and actually expressing it
and grief is one of those things. He has no idea who or what Alma Karma is, but the thought 'they're important to Kanda' is already being recorded, yet another detail to add to Kanda's long list. and as a recorder, shouldn't he know more? shouldn't he indulge his curiosity? For the record, obviously. Because that's the most important thing. that's what 'Lavi' should do.
but 'Lavi' knows when to push and when to pull back. how to navigate a conversation to put the other person at ease, and eventually, no matter what, reach the truth of the matter. 'Lavi' knows how Kanda is, and that pushing him now will net him nothing but resistance. 'Lavi' is sensible that way, never emotional, always purposeful.]
I know that it's not, but I still want to know.
['Lavi' would never make this kind of mistake. But he does, the words slipping out as ink coalesces into words stamped across his neck, "getting attached"]
[He glances back, eyes narrowed; if he sees the words, he ignores them for now.]
Drop it.
[There's that familiar warning tone--the one that precedes his more serious rebuffs and attacks. He hasn't truly tried to kill Lavi in years, but that won't make it hurt any less if he's pushed hard enough to lash out.]
[Is it weird to be both annoyed and comforted by the rejection......... It probably is, god. Emotions never make any sense, but here he is feeling them.
Lavi purses his lips, then strides forward, unbuttoning his coat and tossing it under a dead tree or something.]
Are you just gonna do the same forms all day, or do you wanna spar?
And despite how much he walls himself off, Kanda's observant enough to know what this is for Lavi--a need for distraction, to alleviate the itchy restlessness under his skin and tuck those flashes of truth back away.
Kanda has no nice words or gentle reassurances. But he can offer the kindness of normalcy through a raised eyebrow and a roll of his wrist as he shifts his stance.]
Are you going to waste my time?
[Are you just gonna get beat up (lazy) or will you let him beat you up (real) Lavi]
[he hates them so bad (he can't live without them) HE HATES THEM SO BAD!!!
It is a need to relieve the frustration welling in his skin, and maybe the petty need to just try and punch Kanda in the face for having SECRETS. why is he five years old.]
Why don't you find out?
[in other words he'll fight (REAL) except he'll snap out of it in the middle and go back to fight (LAZY) which means kanda will just wipe the floor with him at the end]
[THAT'S NOT WHAT HE WAS GOING FOR... he clicks his tongue as he finishes tying his hair up]
That's not going to help your back. [Though it would be quieter, which is why he likes it better out here... he'd be going stir-crazy if they were in a setting that was completely indoors]
[Is it silly to feel better just from this.... Lavi tugs his scarf back up around his neck, knowing that it doesn't matter because his stupid ink words will show ANYWAY, but for this brief moment he doesn't care, because it's Kanda, who deals with other people's secrets the same way he does everything else.
the words "alma karma" hover in the back of Lavi's mind, something else he'll remember for the rest of his life. and something he'll definitely for sure learn more about (laffs)]
Hey, Yuu. Did you tell anyone else about your monster?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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huh, this reaction. it's giving flashbacks, the 'i provoked kanda with my big fat mouth and reaped the consequences right after' kind of flashbacks.]
...It's written on your back. Everyone I've met so far has ink on 'em.
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With the way his gaze drops to the back of his hand, it's clear he's noticed that, at least, even if he wasn't prepared to hear those words from Lavi.
Logically, he knows it's not like Lavi can't just ask around once they're back at the Order. It's not even like Kanda would have to give him a particularly personal answer, here; saying "another Second Exorcist" doesn't even scratch the surface of what they were to each other, after all. Besides, Kanda's been owned by the Order for as long as he can remember. His identity as a Second Exorcist has never been a secret, so much as yet another personal thing Kanda doesn't discuss. It was never Kanda's choice to bury the Order's sins under rubble and black ink. He simply never shared Alma's deep desire to burn it to the ground with his own hands, so there was no need to spread it around.
And--as far as Kanda's concerned, Alma has always been his, in a way the Order couldn't touch. The Order's shame-filled erasure of their catastrophic failures only reinforced that feeling, especially when Kanda knew no other way to cope than to shut it all away in the deepest recesses of his heart. And even though it all came to light so publicly, that only makes him want to hold on more tightly right now, when he has the freedom to choose silence.
There's a flash of grief in his eyes before he looks away again, resuming the movements he was doing before.]
That's not your business.
[His tone is terse, and his voice is a little rough--but the anger there isn't directed at Lavi for asking, so much as the magic that put Alma's name on him to begin with.]
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and grief is one of those things. He has no idea who or what Alma Karma is, but the thought 'they're important to Kanda' is already being recorded, yet another detail to add to Kanda's long list. and as a recorder, shouldn't he know more? shouldn't he indulge his curiosity? For the record, obviously. Because that's the most important thing. that's what 'Lavi' should do.
but 'Lavi' knows when to push and when to pull back. how to navigate a conversation to put the other person at ease, and eventually, no matter what, reach the truth of the matter. 'Lavi' knows how Kanda is, and that pushing him now will net him nothing but resistance. 'Lavi' is sensible that way, never emotional, always purposeful.]
I know that it's not, but I still want to know.
['Lavi' would never make this kind of mistake. But he does, the words slipping out as ink coalesces into words stamped across his neck, "getting attached"]
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Drop it.
[There's that familiar warning tone--the one that precedes his more serious rebuffs and attacks. He hasn't truly tried to kill Lavi in years, but that won't make it hurt any less if he's pushed hard enough to lash out.]
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Lavi purses his lips, then strides forward, unbuttoning his coat and tossing it under a dead tree or something.]
Are you just gonna do the same forms all day, or do you wanna spar?
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And despite how much he walls himself off, Kanda's observant enough to know what this is for Lavi--a need for distraction, to alleviate the itchy restlessness under his skin and tuck those flashes of truth back away.
Kanda has no nice words or gentle reassurances. But he can offer the kindness of normalcy through a raised eyebrow and a roll of his wrist as he shifts his stance.]
Are you going to waste my time?
[Are you just gonna get beat up (lazy) or will you let him beat you up (real) Lavi]
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It is a need to relieve the frustration welling in his skin, and maybe the petty need to just try and punch Kanda in the face for having SECRETS. why is he five years old.]
Why don't you find out?
[in other words he'll fight (REAL) except he'll snap out of it in the middle and go back to fight (LAZY) which means kanda will just wipe the floor with him at the end]
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Lavi is just flat out on the ground taking up valuable space, he rolls over with a groan.]
You really did get stronger...
[as if kanda wasn't beating his ass on the regular before crystallization]
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Hm. You gave up halfway. [HE NOTICED THAT SWITCH-UP... PUNK]
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I got a crick in my back. [okay liar...] I haven't slept well since I got here.
[the haunted house is NOISY and his bed is UNCOMFY and their room is too clean and has ZERO BOOKS and kanda is always gone in the MORNING]
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[HE'LL BE THERE... DESPITE HIS COMPLAINTS...]
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except Lavi can't read brackets,]
Will you come with me?
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Who wants to go with you?!
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[he looks around the woods like he's thinking of sleeping out here...]
Maybe we can go camping together!
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That's not going to help your back. [Though it would be quieter, which is why he likes it better out here... he'd be going stir-crazy if they were in a setting that was completely indoors]
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But it'll be fun.
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the words "alma karma" hover in the back of Lavi's mind, something else he'll remember for the rest of his life. and something he'll definitely for sure learn more about (laffs)]
Hey, Yuu. Did you tell anyone else about your monster?
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Of course not.
[Why in the world would he do that]
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You were right about just swapping the first letter. It still counts even if you don't say the name.
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Did you find yours on accident.
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[he look sweaty though]
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