bookpapers | yuu!! yuu!!! yuu!!!!!!

[we can still do it let's go lesbians let's go]

It's not cause of that? ...Then why don't you like me?

Because you're annoying. [STOP

He hasn't even pulled his hand away but he's saying this]

[he's confused... but happy!!! clings onto kanda's hand! uwah! animal crossing flowers

transform back but he doesn't even notice]

[HE NOTICES!!!!! YOU'RE IN HIS BLANKET]

Is your brain fixed yet?!

-- Huh?

[HE'S BIG AGAIN???? HE jUST HAS THIS ANIMAL CROSSING SHOCK EMOTION BECAUSE THIS IS A LOT TO SUDDENLY TAKE IN!!!!! he's so bamboozled that he just holds onto Kanda's hand harder with his now adult-like hands, and turns to stare at this blanket configuration they've got going on,

Woah, Yuu's so close.]

[WHY THIS god I wish Kanda was cute enough to blush and sputter but he just LASHES OUT LIKE A BITCH AS USUAL]

Don't just sit here thinking that?!

[HE'S SO FUNNY I LOVE YOU KANDA

I can't help what I think!! You are! Wait no, he just coughs a little and looks away,]

I was just surprised.

[he makes no move to sidle out from the blanket or let go of Kanda's hand... which he is rubbing between both of his now, a little absent-mindedly,]

I was super short a second ago, remember?

[Coin flip says Kanda continues to tolerate this, but the tradeoff is that he won't cutely hold Lavi's hand it's just hanging there and getting sandwiched as Kanda weighs the costs and benefits of punching Lavi into the pyre and possibly losing his blanket in the process]

I know, Stupid Rabbit. I've been dealing with you all day.

[No one asked you to do that Kanda]

[DON'T PUNCH HIM INTO THE PYRE EVEN IF HIS COAT IS FIRE PROOF]

Sorry 'bout that.

[there's a difference between forcibly bothering kanda all day vs accidentally bothering kanda all day... there's a fine line there that Lavi tries his best to squiggle around in, but for once he hadn't ACTUALLY meant to bother Kanda, nor is he trying to pretend that this was an on purpose accident.......]

...And thanks.

[He can take it]

Whatever. [The way a normal person would say "it's fine, it wasn't your fault and you were actually pretty cute" but here we are.

But--despite all the pushing away Kanda does, he pays attention. His life would be easier, in fact, if he truly hated or dismissed every single person, even the ones that persevere and stick around him anyway. And yet, no matter how hard he tries, no matter how genuine he is in his attempts at solitude, Kanda simply cannot stop himself from forming attachments. He is, unfortunately, too human for true isolation.

Between that, and the curiosity that he feels far more of than he shows, it's no wonder that his thoughts are leaking out. Why was he so sure Bookman left him...?]

[if kanda said that it was fine and that he was cute then lavi would get so scared which would be so funny

instead, he remains pressed close to Kanda's side, sharing this blanket while still holding Kanda's hand between his, determined to look anywhere but at Kanda -- except he hears his thoughts, which makes him look over -- it only takes a second for him to realize that it was a thought and not an actual question, but he's so surprised by it that he answers anyway?]

...When I was a kid, I got involved between a bunch of soldiers and civilians. Gramps said not to, but I did anyway -- and I got shot. Gramps got me out, but everyone else there died.

If I waited, then maybe we could have helped whoever survived. But instead I lost control. He was seriously pissed off then... First time I saw him get so mad.

[God I wish Kanda was cursed with a "be nice" curse instead of a "be happy curse" THAT WOULD'VE BEEN EVEN SCARIER

Likewise, he isn't expecting a response to his thoughts; he's still wondering if it's worth the effort to shove Lavi off of him, even though the longer they sit like this, the warmer and more comfortable he feels. It's partly the effect of the pyre, he knows, but it's enough to balance out his constant desire for space, at least for a little longer.

So the answer is a surprise, but what Lavi actually says... he thinks about Lavi saying I could be lying, you know, but--]

...Sounds like you.

[He's not sure what to expect from Kanda -- maybe nothing at all, just his usual quiet silence as they both look into the pyre, shoulder to shoulder, hand in hand.]

I guess I do still keep making mistakes.

[the mopeyness is real when Lavi assumes that what Kanda means, damn]